Black Cherry Invasion

Wait, what?

2009-08-21T23:17:00.002-04:00

Ha! I almost forgot I had this thing!

Good lord, it's really been over a year since I updated. I blame it on Facebook. Things here started to massively drop off after I joined that particular social networking site.

Aaaaaanyway, I'm still alive. Shock! Awe!

Still working on my undergrad at UT. I will be kicking my own ass again next week when class starts after a nice little summer break. Still single, though I had hope there for a little while that it would be otherwise. Three years is a long time without a date *insert frowny face*

Still reenacting! Next event is in Jackson MI the 28 - 30. 25th anniversary for that event, so it should be a lot of fun.

What else, what else...

My body seems to have stopped trying to kill me for a little while. It worries me a bit though, cause I thought it had stopped just before that last thing I had. I think the safe time just means it's plotting more and more against me. Damned body. I hate you and your machinations!

Oh! My younger brother got engaged! They're adorable together and I can't wait to have a sister in-law. Three brothers does not a happy Manda make. Yeah, I shortened my name. Only I can do that. Or, you know... special other people who have permissions.

Why do I always feel like I'm talking to dead air when I do this?

I require a bagel.

Yeah, yeah....

2008-07-10T22:32:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I know I haven't been around much. There's actually several fantastically good reasons for that....

Allow me to explain.

So CP was awesome, this we all know. The after affects, not so much. The weekend of the encampment I managed to hurt my knee again (bursa sak) and, because of the somewhat unsanitary conditions reenactors deal with as part of the hobby, I got a bladder, UT, and kidney infection... which, because I have a rather high pain tolerance, went unnoticed by me until I work up in intense pain and had to be carted off to the ER. Let me tell you.... that is the WORST pain I have even been in, and I almost lost six fingers once, so that's saying something.

Ok, so after that I'm slowly recovering from both the kidney thing and the knee thing while starting my new job. Long days, lots of standing, it's a hard life :P

On the upside, I can now make kick ass smoothies.

Couple of weeks ago I'm talking with my friend Maggie and she tells my that our friend John who went off to boot camp in May and is one of my ex boyfriends, is getting married. Married! Before he left, John and I went to see a movie and we talked a lot. He kind of left me with the feeling that we'd be hanging out a lot and maybe more when he got back, which was awesome cause he broke up with me and there were still feelings on my part and yeah... that thing. Anyway, so we were writing back and forth when I got sick and injured and I stopped writing because of how shitty I felt and didn't want to send him depressing news in addition to the fact that I was drugged... a lot.

Of course, once I stopped writing, he stopped. I find out later that he's calling and talking to people, just not me. Ouch. So he goes and get married to his girlfriend (who, oddly enough... looks like a less charismatic version of me ;) )) and then comes back into town for the 4th and tells his friends... except me.

Smooth....

Moving on.

Went to Gettysburg, had an aaaaawesome time. Sadly, I got poison ivy that weekend. Also, sadly, I didn't realize it was on my legs and shaved a few times before I thought 'Hey, that odd bumpy thing is spreading!' Stopped shaving, got an anti-itch treatment, forgot to check ingredients on the gel, had an allergic reaction to the Benzyl IN the gel.... swear to god man, I almost clawed the skin off my legs.

While dealing with the itching, I'm notified of a meeting for myself and two of my co-workers at the park where I work. These co workers and I all hold the same position/title and we're the only ones left who have it because they're not hiring anyone else into that position. Because the parks if funded (mainly) by the money from county property taxes, our income is based on what things are worth... because the housing market and economy are in the tank.... you get where I'm going with this?

Anyway, we had the meeting today and yeah, our jobs are being 'eliminated' at the end of July.

Instead of having us as year round employees, they want to hire seasonals who will work from April to mid December. Of course since we're all trained, they want us to apply for the seasonal positions. However, IF I get the seasonal job, the only thing I'll keep is my pay rate. Five years of seniority, paid holidays, paid time off... all gone.

So yes, I've been a little stressed out lately. Juuuust a tad.

On the upside, my knee is actually doing better and I have it out of the brace. Yay?

And now, after I'm sure I've given you all WAY too much info for your liking, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow is the first day off in a couple of weeks and I'm going to get as much sleep as I can :D

One down...

2008-05-18T23:47:00.002-04:00

Ho

ly

Crap.

Seriously... holy crap.

It may be the sunburn on the top of my head talking, but I just had one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. I was a little nervous on Friday when I drove the 4 hours from where I live to Fishers IN... but after a few hours of waiting for my tent to show up, I got a call from Swayer. Dinner time, yay!

Swayer rocks in person. Rocks more so then she does in her online down time. Ren, this is where you get all jealous and start thinking about that one time where you thought she and I ______ with the _______ and then sent you the ______ without the _______ just for giggles.

Anyway, I told Swayer of my tent woes over our delicious dinner and my huge margarita since the tent thing is what was making me all nervous. You see, period tents aren't cheep, not my a long shot. So because I'm just starting out I was planning on using the Company's loner tent so I had someplace to sleep should it rain or I needed some quiet time. The tent is left with the Quartermaster who brings to to events for the poor newbies who need it. I got to Conner Prairie at 3:30... the tent was not arriving till 9 or 10. There went my plan to set it up in the daylight...

So I go out, have a tasty dinner, and then the lovely Swayer drops me back off at camp where I wait until the rest of the company comes rolling in at 10pm. Tent setting up time! I wish... turns out the guy who was bringing the tent forgot the ridge pole, which is the big pole that holds the bloody tent up. Needless to say there were many jokes made about poles and I decided to sleep in my car because there was a fairly good chance of rain for the weekend.

On the upside, Ion's have wonderful backseats/trunks for sleeping in!

Moving on... nothing much happened Friday night, I turned in early at about 11:30 and got up around 9. Conner Prairie is a great living history site that I just had to check it out. They have different time periods, lots of animals, the staff normally wears clothes that go with the period they're in at the village... it's really quite nice. I didn't get to look around as much as I would have liked, but it was still cool.

There were two 'battles', one on sat and one on sun, both at 2pm. As battles go, I have to say I really wasn't impressed. It felt like they were doing a drill against each other instead of actually fighting. Hopefully it'll be a bit more refined next year if I go back.

I got to talk with a lot of people about reenacting over the weekend. People have some of the oddest questions.. but once you say you're new to the hobby that conversation almost always turns too how do you get started in something like the encampments. I think a few of the IN company's may have some new members soon, thanks to yours truly.

As much as I love the people who come to the events, I still think the best part is after the sites close and the reenactors can relax a bit. Period instruments and songbooks come out, fires are lit, talk and some drinking ensues... it's just nice. people who have been in the hobby for years have great ideas on camp life and what to do too make yourself at home wherever you go, and a lot of them are just huge fonts of knowledge about anything Civil War related.

Saturday was really the best day for me. I hung out with Ma Chin and learned some tricks of the trade. She plans on moving to NC, so the company will need a cook and all around awesome person to fill her sizable shoes. I think I'm up to the task, but I need a loooot of work yet.

After dinner was music, a ball (which I couldn't dance in because of my knee), and the drinking. The music for the ball was great, but by the time we got there that half bottle of tequila Mac told me I should drink was catching up with me. I ended up sitting with some of the guys under the trees and taking sips of peoples beers... and then I somehow ended up with the Captain's kepi... which looked WAY better on me then it did on him, and I even have the ego to fill it out! Mac's hat was bigger though, so I need to work on filling that one out too....

Also, my new nickname is Cinnamon.

Back to camp, played some eucker with Euclid and totally kicked the 4th Virginia's butts at it even though my team was halfway and a bit to passing out. Finally decided to call it a night when it started raining. Now my car is a good 5 minute walk from where the camp was, so I had a ways to go.. carrying my quilt, haversack, key (just the one), walking in the dark, the rain, and the tipsyness. Needless to say, I dropped my keys. To this hour I have no idea how I found them so quickly. It's really a miracle that I wasn't wandering around the grassy infield for ages looking for one key.

Really long story short, my drunk friend and I made it to my car without getting totally soaked, but at last count I have bruises just about everywhere, including my spine, God only knows how I got that one....

Assume nothing! No cake was had, but I did sleep daaaaamn well and was nice and toasty all night.

Sun was a bit slower, more relaxed. I kept looking for some chick in a pirate hat but I must have missed her. Gives me a good reason to go back next year though.

The only part of the weekend I regret is not being able to answer my cell when John called. John has been a friend of mine for quite a while and right now he's in GA at boot camp. I miss him and I wish we could talk more often, and Sat was the first time he'd gotten a chance to call me since me left back in March.

All in all, it was a kick ass weekend. At this point I'm reconsidering the trip too Gettysburg just because 7 hours of driving with my knee as is will be a bad idea if the 4 hours one way this weekend was any indicter.

Oh, I have pics too! Tons of pics! I'll pop them up later but right now I have too head to bed. The lack of sleep is catching up with me and I have my new job tomorrow at 8am.

I'm alive! In a manner of speaking...

2008-05-07T13:00:00.002-04:00

Yup, I live!

The knee is doing much better. No surgery, just a little PT and TLC... plus two weeks off of school. Ouch. I think I managed to pull it back together in time for finals though. Now I'm just waiting in the grades to show up.

So now is catch up time. All the things I put off while dealing with my knee and finals gets done this week... hopefully. I'm also out looking for a second job and getting ready for the start of the reenacting season. Swayer, I'll be in Fishers starting on the 16th if you're still up for shopping. I'll shoot you and email with more details in a bit.

More fun comes after Fishers though... I'm going to Gettysburg in June!

Yeah, it's a short update, but I do what I can. I have a job interview tomorrow to prepare for a tons of cleaning. Wish me luck!

So not out like a lamb

2008-03-25T23:06:00.003-04:00

I am officially the worlds most accident prone woman... seriously...

I'm not sure how it happened, but sometime on Friday I popped the bursa sack in my right knee. The bursa sack is full of fluid and cushions the kneecap when you move. When it popped it released that fluid into the area around my knee, causing a lot of swelling and a good amount of paaaaaaaaain.

Now I, being the devoted idiot that I am, decided not only to go see the gent on Sunday night when I should have had my leg up, but used crutches to get to class on Mon morning.... which was almost a half mile walk to and from the parking lot.

At the moment I'm 'supposed' to have my leg up and be resting. Like that'll happen....

I am trying to be good about it though. The last thing I want it for it to keep getting worse and have to get it drained... which involves a very very large needle

So yeah, knees... the bees knees... *shifty eyes*

Blame the meds.

By the way... this is the 2ooth post!!!! This calls for confetti of some sort ;)

In like a lion?

2008-03-10T01:35:00.004-04:00

So it's March.

I've decided I hate March....

It's still wintry outside, which means cold and snow. 'Spring ' break is also over today, which was a total jip in the long run since we got a late season snow storm... bah I say!

March is also the time I got the first hint last year that it was over.

Yup, here I sit at a little before 2am doing things I know will only make me sleep badly. Why? Because letting me on Facebook when I'm bored is a bad idea... Too many applications to add and friends to look for.

I have a friend leaving for boot camp this week and I tried looking for him on Facebook so we had another way to keep in touch. Nothing on him, so I looked up a few more friends in case I got any hits. Because my minds like me to suffer, I went and looked up an old flame. Didn't find any entries and went to look for someone I know he knew.

Now, this could just be my mind running away with me, but what I found still caused a painful heart twinge.

I got a matching result on the last name I put in, but the pic wasn't of who I thought it would be. It was a baby, looked only a month or two old. Knowing what I know about the owner of that profile and coupled with some other info I had before this random and stupid idea, it means my old flame was having sex with said owner of the profile around 2 - 3 months after he broke things off with me.

This man, the one I think of as the love of my life, who told me he was mine and would never let me go even if it meant we were only friends. This man who I would have gladly married if he had asked. This man who I'm still in love with even though I've tried to convince myself that I'm not, and who swore up and down that he loved me... obviously didn't.

If someone can turn around and do that after they say such pretty things, if they can cut off all communication and act as if you mean nothing to them, if they can discard you as easily as one would a plastic cup, then what did they really mean anyway? Nothing... nothing at all.

Like I said... this could all just be in my head, but given what I know it's highly unlikely.

Want to know why I don't trust people? Want to know why I don't let myself fall in love with anyone else? I'd say that right there is a shining example of why I'm wise not to do such a thing.

Bah. Just bah.

Edit: Why yes, this DOES seem vaguely creepy and stalkerish in retrospect. In order to prevent you all from thinking I'm insane and/or obsessed, let me assure you that that was the first, and last time I ever go looking for someone who knows someone I know of Facebook. I don't need that kinda of trauma in my life.

2008-02-21T00:29:00.002-05:00

Me.

With straight hair.

In crappy lighting.

At my grandma's.

I'm adorable.

;)

Three years of bloggity goodness

2008-02-08T11:39:00.000-05:00

That's right people, three years.

So to celebrate, enjoy some Jesus

;)

We're number 9!

2008-02-05T00:27:00.000-05:00

Wow... where to start.

I had a great weekend, really. One of the best I've had in a long time.

Why was the weekend so awesome, you ask? Because it was the Annual General Meeting and Social for the 9th Kentucky, Company C. I am, of course, with the civilian section of the reenacting group, but I have now officially joined and paid dues so I can say that it’s my camp.

The day started off at 10:30 with the meeting... election of officers, attendance, introduction of new members, reports from current officers, etc, etc. Broke for lunch and came back to vote on what events the club should attend this year. We ended a pretty nice schedule which will take us all over... Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. After that was new business and then the meeting was over. Time for the Social!

*Before I go on I do want to say that I was quite impressed by the members of the 9th KY. The meeting was held in an orderly fashion and everyone who had an opinion got to express it. Open lines of communication are wonderful. Also, every member is quite focused on historical accuracy and doing the best interpretations they can. I’m really proud to be a new member and hope I can live up to the standard the other members have set.*

On to the social. One word for you.....

Grog.

Yup, you heard me, grog. Period recipe grog.

Most people brought food to share, and drinks as well. The guys also brought instruments so for several hours there was period music playing in the room as different conversations happened and there was general mingling. I’m actually really excited about going to the Conner Prairie Muster in Indiana. Conner Prairie is an amazing living history site and from what I hear it’s going to be a large event.

The guys sang all 70 verses of ‘What Do You Do With A Drunken Sailor”. That’s a great song, by the way.

As the evening progresses much conversation was had. At one point Mac was trying to convince me and a few others I’d be good infantry. I’ll have to think on it, but it is documented that some women did dress as men and fight in the war. We’ll see... could be fun though if they let me have a musket. Can you picture me with a musket? I’d kick ass if I don’t break the damn thing first.

There’s a lot of other stuff that happened that I won’t go into here, mostly because I don’t want to bore you all with what I thought was fun, and because things got really fuzzy after a certain point. I do however vaguely remember someone saying the one thing that would make me better was a pair of balls, to which someone else replied that I had some things far nicer then a pair, and then I grabbed my boobs.

That would be why I don’t drink much ;)

A few glasses of grog later found me back in my room.... where I proceeded to have quite a bit of cake. Oh yes... quiiiiite a bit.

*coughs*

Whaaaat?

That’s what happens when I have no cake for a long time and you give me alcohol!

Anyway, a good time was had. A very good time indeed.

I’m looking forward to this summer and the reenacting that comes with it. Since I don’t have the boat this year it’ll be the only living history I get to do, and I have a crap load of personal time to use up, so I won’t mind missing a weekend of work each month.

So, in conclusion....

The 9th rocks and are good at what they do, grog is awesome, walls are bad, I would make a good dude, and I LOVE cake.

What did we learn over the weekend?

2008-01-23T02:39:00.000-05:00

Benzolamonniachloride is also bad for me.

Damned cleaning supplies.

Living on Vitaman Water

2008-01-12T19:22:00.000-05:00

Aaaaaaand update!

Sorry Swayer, no cake for you ;)

So I had my other two classes... tues and thurs may be a little taxing. The classes are interesting so far, but both require a lot of note taking. Not that the other classes don't, these two just take more. It really doesn't help that in my Developmental Psych course, the instructor uses powerpoint a lot and gives us next to no time too copy what's on the slides. My right hand started cramping up on thurs... not good people. Not good.

All in all I think it will be a good semester. I've been able to sort out my work hours, and reenacting won't be picking up till about the time I get done in April, so I'll have my weekends for studying. Also, the UT campus has a kick ass rec center, so you can bet I'll be in there a lot in the coming months.

Now, on the subject of cake... I had some last night. A nice strawberry wedding cake.

We had a wedding and reception at the Manor House last night. Ceremony, catering, dancing... the works. It was fairly involved. One of the rooms we had to change the set up in twice over the course of the event to allow for different activities, and my co-worker and I spent a good part of the night trying to keep the little kids who were there entertained and off of the stairs. It went quite well, really. The bride, groom, and assorted family left happy.

So, given the fact that we do so much for these people... provide good customer service, provide different set ups, watch the children, help the caters, etc.... I was amazed today to find out that someone, I have no idea who, at the parks said that the jobs of the staff in the History Department could be done by trained monkeys....

My ass it could.

Come ooooon education! I think I need a new job ;)

When I was your age, Pluto was a planet!

2008-01-07T16:32:00.000-05:00

No, really, I swear it was!

I can imagine saying that to my nieces and nephews someday... it'll be a hoot.

Anyway, I'm back! Again! And using many exclamation point just because I enjoy the shift key!!!!

Started school today as a UT student. I'm happy to say that I did not get lost on my first day of class, but it was a close call. Made it to everything on time, and so far I like both of my professors. One of them is from Australia... it's sweet. Monday/Wednesday is Social Inequality and Cognitive Psychology. Tuesday/Thursday is Developmental Psychology and Cultural Anthropology. The only problem I can see so far is the fact that Tues/Thurs my class is at 9... so factor in travel time and showering, I need to be up at, if not before, 7 am. I am not a morning person. I can hardly even form words before 10 am, no matter how much sleep I get.

The campus is gorgeous. UT was founded in 1872, so a lot of the buildings have an older style of architecture. I consider it a very good sign that the College of Arts and Sciences (which is my part) is located in the oldest building on campus. I've loved the bell and clock tower on University Hall since I first saw it, and now I can hear the bells going off when I'm sitting in class. A little distracting, yes... but cool anyway.

Anyway, I have a migraine the size of... well, a very large migraine... so I'm going to step off the comp for a bit. I promise there will be one more update this week. If not, Swayer can have all my cake ;)

Snooooow!

2007-12-17T00:28:00.000-05:00

Yup, that's right, I said snow. Today we had the first big snowfall of winter... a whole 8 to 10 inches with ice and freezing rain. It was fun in the sense that work shut down due to the Level 2 snow emergency ;)

Anyway, update time!

Holidays at the Manor House was fun, we had around 12-13000 people through in a week. The best part was probably on Tuesday when I got stuck in the elevator though... we had about 4 people show up to get me out because they had no idea how far between floors I was or if they'd be able to get my out easily. Me? I sat down and had a nice little break. It only took them about 15 min to get me out, so it wasn't all that bad. I swear though, I'm getting a hell of a reputation at the parks... I keep breaking things....

Lets see.... on this coming Tuesday I have orientation at the University of Toledo. I'm freaking out a little because I've never been to school on such a large scale before. If I thought going from homeschooling to the satellite center of a community collage was a shock, I think I'm going to lose it at UT. At the same time I'm ridiculoiusly excited. I've been wanting to go back to school for a year or so now and I'm finally getting around to doing it. Here's hoping for the best!

On the relationship front, men still suck. I'm also hoping I'll manage to meet a nice guy at collage who will change that opinion ;)

Got a letter from the International Society of Poets last week, they're going to publish another one of my poems. This'll be the third one they're doing, and hopefully there will be more in the future. The title of the book they're putting it in is still in the works, but it'll be out late '08. I'll keep you posted when I get new info on it.

Right, so, that's it for now. I'd say I'll update again soon, but the pattern shows that it's highly unlikely ;)

Neeeeeews!

2007-11-25T23:04:00.000-05:00

So, thanks to my mothers brilliance at genealogy, today I found out I was related to Edward IV of England. 18th cousins or something... but still!

Looking even further back and following Edwards maternial line, I'm also related to Katherine Swynford, who was married to John of Gaunt, Duke of Lancaster.

Best

News

EVER!

November 11th

2007-11-12T00:03:00.000-05:00

I got a rose before work today. Picked it right out at the store... white, with pink tips. It was perfect, not fully open, but still beautiful.

Took it to the park with me and down the stairs to the river. I sat on the viewing platform close to the water. Broke the thorns off the steam, then the leaves, then the steam itself. Broke it into tiny pieces and tossed them into the water.

The petals were next. Velvety smooth and soft, almost like skin. I felt a little like Ophelia in Hamlet, the part when she goes crazy and is giving everyone flowers. Took the petals off one by one and let them follow the thorns and leafs. Each petal was given away with a wish, a memory.

I watched them as they floated on the current, drifting lightly over the stones and whirlpools in their way. I sat and watched even though it was cold and damp. Overcast and wet, but not rainy, just like last year on the same day. I suppose November is somewhat consistent like that.

When the last petal was out of sight I stood, staring at the water for a moment more before I may my way up to the house. No petal for remembrance, I don't need one. I don't ever plan to forget, and just knowing it's the 11th adds an odd flavor to whatever day that date falls on.

Never, ever, say that you can't wait to grow up.

I was supposed to be at work today....

2007-11-03T15:16:00.000-04:00

But I'm not. Why? Because apparently I'm allergic to Benzalkonium Chloride. I've been using it three times a day, as I was instructed to, to clean my new piercings with. Said new piercings are a second set of holes in my ears. Anyway, they don't bother to put on the label of the bottle of disinfectent they give you that the active ingredent, Benzalkonium Chloride is a sensitive skin irritant. Thanks! Now my face is all red and puffy, and it feels like ants are eating my skin. Good thing I know I can use rubbing alcohol to clean my ears with....

In other news, the boat is done. Ghosts went well this year, and many of the scripts were very well done by the staff. Most of them. So now I'll just be at the Manor House all winter. Providing that the levy passes on Tuesday I can then keep my job next year. If the levy doesn't pass.... then all park employees are kinda screwed in the 'we get laid off' kinda way.

I'd write more right now, but I'm feeling a bit off because of the allergies right now.... more later!

My Mind

2007-10-23T23:33:00.000-04:00

There are wings
and things
of a viney sort
that twine,
and infiltrate my mind

They cling
and twist
like a violent fist
that finds,
inside my mind

A treasure trove
of light
and wit
a tiny spot
of hope
and grit
that thrives,
inside my mind

Soooooooo, new poem! Enjoy it, first new one I've had in a long time.

Along with the poem, you get a quicky update. The ankle is better, brace is off and I can use it as an ankle is meant to be used. In my case, that means I'll probably sprain it again in a week or so.

My cat Isis has been very sick lately, she had an inflamed liver. FInding out wjat was wrong involved taking her 45 minutes away to Ann Arbor and getting her an ultrasound and a liver biopsy. Said ultrasound involved shaving a good 1/3 of her body. I still think she hates me because of it. Also, I have to wrap her into a quilt every morning and make her into a kitty burrito so I can shoot6 2cc's of bubblegum smelling meds down her throat. She getting better though!

On the work front, I put in my two weeks from the canal boat. I finished the season like I said I would, but because of all thee shit that happened out there this year, I won't be going back in April. Not unless they make me, which they very well could. I'm still working at the Manor House and getting ready for Holidays... it starts next month. Ghosts is this weekend at the canal, so I'll be working a few very long days and hoping to GOD I have my script memorized.

On the personal front, still no dates. Bah to dates. However, in the past four months I've lost about 20 pounds. Wanna know what I'm doing right now? Eating mint Milalo cookies. Why? Because I could eat a whole effin pack and still lose weight. How can I do that? Because I'm on meds that are balancing the natural imbalance in my system. Fuck you PCOS, I have pills!

Only problem with losing weight is my clothes don't fit... and I hate shopping. Ah well, small price to pay ;)

There ya go. You've been updated and I certainly hope this takes care of your Amanda Addiction.

Later all ;)

Anyone there?

2007-10-01T13:11:00.000-04:00

Yes, oh yes... I'm still alive. You people aren't getting rid of me that easily.

I have been a bit absent of late. For those of you who don't know, I had a minor accident at the boat..... again..... it did not involve fingers though! I just took a mis step off of the boat and sprained my ankle It was only a little sprain, mild bruising but not bad enough for me to not put weight on it.

Last weekend I went up to Bay City MI for a vintage Baseball game with the Westside Emeralds. They lost, but it was still a good game.. and the Grog on Friday night was really good. Sadly, it was the last reenacting event I'll be able to go too this year, work is gonna start picking up soon anyway.

More updates later, I promise ;)

Oh snap!

2007-09-11T00:52:00.000-04:00

Every now and then,you just hear a really good burn. These rare events need to be recorded for all to enjoy. The following burn happened eariler today and was between my 18 ear old brother, Thomas, and my 27 year old brother, Matt.

Matt: So hey, Thomas, where's your truck.

Thomas: It's still at the shop.

Matt: Ha, told ya.

Thomas: Wait, where's your car? Oh, that's right, you don't have one!

Sometimes living at home does have it's good points....

Damn Floridians

2007-09-06T18:26:00.000-04:00

(For the full story)

When Hometown Political Action Committee Chairwoman Carol Wightman introduced the Key West mayoral candidates Monday night before almost 200 people at the Tropic Cinema, she wasn't concerned with making the position sound glamorous.

“It's a full-time job for $10,000 a year,” she said. “Now I ask you: Why would you want this job?”

The six candidates laughed and then readied themselves for the onslaught of questions from business owner Jon Allen, Community Housing Committee Chairman Richard Grusin and Solares Hill Editor Nancy Klingener.

Grusin asked Carie Noda what her vision is for Key West over the next 20 years. She explained she's traveled all over and feels Key West is the most beautiful city in the world, though she did not say specifically what direction she'd like the city to take.

Noda, a newcomer to the race, was born in Cuba and has lived in Key West since she was 6 months old. She emphasizes an effective disaster relief plan, something she says the current administration has ignored. She says she's worked as an American Red Cross executive director in New York and was designated a Red Cross international delegate. She was also a substance-abuse counselor and worked at social-service entities.

Incumbent Morgan McPherson said he'd like to “take that bumper sticker of ‘One Human Family' and make it a heartfelt truth.”

“Key West is a carnival,” candidate Sloan Bashinsky said. “I think we could do unbelievable things with the pirate theme,” touching on his proposal that Key West should exploit its connection to the infamous sailors of the Caribbean by dressing up its city workers or the homeless as pirates.

“Arrrrrgg,” said candidate and former Mayor Jimmy Weekley when asked to answer the same question. And then on a more serious note, “There has been rhetoric, but no performance,” adding that when he was mayor, the Duval Street T-shirt shops were “under control.”

My Road

2007-09-03T23:25:00.000-04:00

There are no phone poles where I drive. No wires stretched across the roads, crisscrossing the blue dome above and making it seem so much less majestic then it should be.

There are no buildings on my way, no towers to obscure my view of the sky. The only stone I see is natural, boulders and gravel. The only monoliths are the long standing sentinels we call trees.

The land is flat and I can see for miles in all directions, granted I can find a path through the trees. There is corn growing to the right and a purple colored grass growing in the ditches amongst the cattails.

There are no other cars in the middle of the day. All is quiet save for the sound of my music and the soft hum of my tires on the pavement. No bumps, no potholes, no speed limit.

At night I can see all the stars out the windows, or overhead if I pull over and sit on the trunk of my car. The breeze is sweet and the wind is soft, tossing an occasional leaf my way.

There is no other traffic, no other form of life like mine.

There is just me, my car, and my road.

Monolith

2007-08-30T21:25:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I lied. I was gone for a good bit again. But I've just been so busy!

For starters, there was a lot of rain around these parts last week, and you may have heard about some places flooding. Well, Providence (where the Canal Boat is) flooded. Wednesday last week I went into work and the boat crew was all like "Hey, the water keeps getting higher!". Eh, not a big deal... until I get home and find out that the Maumee River isn't supposed to crest till late Thursday/early Friday. Anyway, I end up going into work at the boat on Thurs... only to find out that I'm an hour early because our staff meeting got canceled, and that doesn't even matter because the boat's been closed due to high water. Great, 45 min drive to work for nothing.

I made the best of the situation though. I drove across the river to Grand Rapids and got myself a disposable camera to take some photos of the flooding with. Spent 2 hours at the park that morning taking pics, and got some good ones too. There's this one of a 5 foot log just floating down the Orange Trail.... made me laugh when I saw it ;)

In other news, I was up in Jackson MI last weekend at a civil war encampment. This one I actually stayed overnight at, so that was a first for me. I've been going to Jackson for the past 3 years, but becoming part of the encampment gives you a different side of things.

I got there on Sat. with all my stuff and found the 9th KY, which is the group I'm joining. Since I drove up there in my everyday clothes I had to get changed into my dress and all in the car. Let me tell you, putting on a corset in the front seat of a car is NOT an easy task. After I got dressed most of the day was spent hanging out and talking to visitors to the encampment.

Sat. night was really something to look forward to, there was a Ball! Now, as someone who never went to a dance at all, the Ball was something else new and fun. I danced a few rounds with another newbie to reenacting, Aysah (no idea if I spelled that right) and ended the evening by waltzing with C.C. Good times, good times. (C.C. was also kind enough to lent me a wool blanket that evening... it got colder then I expected)

The only downside of the weekend in Jackson was that I didn't put on sunblock. Yeah, I know... I'm an idiot. I ended up with an unpleasant sunburn on the left side of my face that is now peeling, while the right side just looks a bit tanner then normal. It kinda makes me fee l like TwoFace. Better then looking like a boiled lobster though ;)

So between the flooding, other work, and the encampment, I've been keeping fairly busy. Got a few new books I'd like to read soon, but I'll get to that when I have time.

I'd promise to write again soon, but we all know how that'll turn out. Instead I shall leave you with a quote from the boat.

"Yeah, sarcasm on it's own can be bad enough, but sarcasm with Jazz Hands? That just totally owns."

Breakfast

2007-08-16T00:11:00.000-04:00

Posted because I love my brother. Andrew is the ninja ;)

The past weeks in review

2007-08-13T12:53:00.000-04:00

Firstly, the Transformers movie is bloody awesome. I will admit I was a little worried when they introduced Bumblebee as a Camaro (he's supposed to be a VW Bug), but that worry soon faded under the almost total awesomness of everything else in the movie. Much thanks to the makers of the Transformers movie for not taking a cherished childhood memory and killing it.

Second, vintage baseball as Greenfield Village is also awesome. Granted, I had to sleep in my car on Saturday night because of a lack of proper sleeping space, but my car is really quite nice to take a several hour long nap in. The Westside Emeralds won their first game on Sat, so congrats to them. Sun was a little less fortunate, only because it rained almost all damn day. Still, a good weekend.

That guy who pissed me off at work left the job. We have two new people who started last week, and I think the rest of the time at that job will be faaaaaaaaaaaaaar nicer then the past several months.

Mad Mordigan is back!!!!!!!!! One of the best local Toledo bands has gotten back together after disbanding a few years ago. I found out that they had a show last week, which I missed, but I now fully intend on stalking the band till their next show. I'm so EXCITED!!!!!!!! Goodness know how I love my music.

In a couple weeks I may be up in Jackson MI attending my first event as an official member of a Civil War reenacting company. I have a ton of research yet to do on women's roles during the war, the war itself, and things the type of woman I choose to portray needs in camp... however I'm pretty sure that soon I'll have all I need. Again, way excited.

Last but not least, I sent in my application to UT. I know, took me long enough! Right now I'm just waiting to hear back so I can sign up for some spring classes and get the ball rolling towards my next degree. I have a lot of schooling left ahead of me, so it's about time I got my lil 'ole butt movin.

That about sums it up. I promise next time I won't be gone for so long ;)

Weekly Musing #5

2007-07-31T00:51:00.000-04:00

This website is amazing. It's nothing fancy, but it's eye opening.

I saw one of my secrets there today, one about a greatest fear. I didn't send it in, but I know it's one of mine. Sometimes it's just good to know someone else feel the same way.

Sometimes it's good to know you're not alone.

It's rantin' time think 'hammer time'

2007-07-27T18:47:00.000-04:00

Right, I've been holding it in for a long time, and today things happened at work that pushed me a biiiiit too far.... so I need to rant.

There's this guys at work, we'll call him 'Ed'. Now, Ed's been working with me at a job I've been doing for the past 3 years. Part of my job as a senior staff person at this job, is to train the new people. Ed does not, and has never, taken my telling him what to do well. So at this job, I've been dealing with a lot of issues surrounding Ed and how he does his job.

I'd like to add that I'm not the only one having problems with him. The other ladies at this job, including our on-site supervisor have seen how he acts and have commented on it.

Moving on.

Today at work, the boss lady (one position above my site supervisor) came to me and another girl at the job, well call her Amy, and wanted to talk about Ed, Boss lady, now to be known as Gina, asked us what happened to Ed's lunch on Friday.

**Sidenote, Ed always comes into work after myself and Amy, puts his lunch in the break room, and takes the first lunch. Amy and I do not go into the lunchroom after he drops off his food, or before he has his break.**

Amy and I have no idea, so we ask what she's talking about. It turns out that Ed's lunch went missing, and he somehow got the idea that Amy or myself had thrown it out (see side note). Amy and I come back and say that we had no idea about what happened, he said nothing about it to us. Of course, had we known, we would have made sure he had the chance to get something, either from food we'd share or him going to get something to eat. Gina got quite upset at that point and said she didn't believe Amy and I would have done that. That comment alone got my ire up. However much I may not like Ed, it is one of my jobs to help keep the staff safe. At this job, not eating lunch can hurt you a lot. It can lower you coordination and dull you senses a bit, since the job is a very physical one. The LAST ting I'm going to do for ANYONE on staff is let them go with out a lunch.

Gina goes on to tell us that Ed has told her that Amy and I have been treating him badly (ie. yelling at him, ignoring him, insulting him, ect.). Gina actually threatened to fire us if this 'behavior' of ours continued.

This was the first Amy and I had heard of this, so it came as a huge shock. Well, that and the 'hey, you might get fired thing'. That was a shock too.

**Return of the Sidenote. Amy and I did not behave in the most mature or professional way during the past several months. I will not deny that did call Ed an ass many times. However, it was never directly to his face or in an environment where he could have known. Not that that makes it ok... but whatever**

So while Gina is going on and on about how she's heard all these things from Ed, I'm just sitting there starting to seethe. Amy and I finally get a chance to talk a bit after being bashed with accusations, and we can explain why he might feel that way from our side of things. We started by saying we're sorry for not acting as senior staff members should have acted. Yes, the whole situation could have been handled better. After that, we gave her some information that she might now have known.

Ed, for all the experience he may have in other areas, is a condescending chauvinist. Since he started at the job he has belittled the women staff members, ignored us, and basically made several of us feel as if we weren't worth his time. A few times he's made Amy so mad that she's been physically shaking. For the first few months that he worked there, we tried to bring him 'into the fold' of the people at the job. However, he didn't mesh with the other staff very well, and he didn't respect the experience any of the senior female members of the staff had.

After a few months of feeling like I was trying to have a philosophical discussion with a brick wall when talking to Ed, I (and other staff members) just stopped trying. We stopped correcting him on mistakes because he took everything personally. We stopped trying to interact with him when we had guests at work (we still talked to him as the job required, but nothing special unless we felt like making an effort for the guests enjoyment). For his part, Ed never really made any effort to mesh with the staff. He wandered off a lot, he didn't communicate with us when he needed things, and he kept pissing people off with the way he acted.

After Amy and I explained things on our side a bit, Gina seems to have calmed down. We talked a little longer about some more new staff that would be starting. Things ended on an ok note, but still carried a hint of unpleasentness as we all went back to work.

Gina also said something that put me in the mood for a rant. She said that Ed had not had a good experience working there.

***RANT***

Oh? Fucking really?

How the hell does she think I've felt after almost 4 months of him treating me like crap?

I'm aware of the fact that I'm not good at very much. I suck at math, I'm not qualified for many of the jobs I'd like, but I'm good at the ones that I have. I know how it works, I know the pitfalls and the joys. I know how to read people to come there, and I damn well know how to train people new to the job. I don't have many buttons to push, but someone coming into MY job, having ME train them, and then making me feel like I have NO IDEA what I'm doing pisses me off. I have been hurt at that job, been rained on, snowed on, broken, sunburnt to high heaven, hailed on, yelled at by guests, and all number of things that could make someone hate a job. I never hated it till Ed started working there. He talks down to me. From when I've seen he talks down to women in general. Well, all except Gina. Gina could fire him if he acted that way with her around.

What about the time Ed tried to force another staff member to take a lunch so he could go sooner? Or when he gives out incorrect facts to guests a work and gets all offended when someone tries to correct him later? Or the bit when he started where he asked if the other guy at the job was good with physical stuff after we'd all been working in lifting some heavy things (as if to insinuate that the women at the job couldn't do all the heavy things that the job called for)? Or the fact that he doesn't pay attention at the job and almost gets hurt? Or that he just is out of tune with the job and the staff in general? What about ANY of that makes him think that he knows better then the staff that's been at the job for years?

The ONLY time in past months that ANYONE at the job has yelled at Ed has been when we need him to bring in people for what we do. It's not even a mean yelling! It's just something that's done to signal that it's time to start. Ed isn't the only one that gets that either, EVERYONE on the staff gets the same treatment. I did snip at Ed once when he did something unsafe and it scared the bejeezus out of me because I didn't want him getting hurt. I told him, in the voice my mother uses when the dog does something bad, that he shouldn't ever do said thing again. Again, I may not like Ed, but I'll be damned if anyone at that job is getting hurt while I'm there.

It's not just the women who've been dealing with Ed. Even Bob, one of out other male staff members noticed that Ed was treating the women on staff in a less then nice manner. There is NO way that this situation is the fault of Amy and I if over half of the staff notices it.

Now I'm not totally happy with how I handled my part of the situation, but if someone is pushing my buttons for almost 4 months, I become a rather not nice person. I figured out that the whole time I was mad at Ed, I couldn't talk to him about what he was doing to upset me, so I talked it out with other people who felt the same way that I did. While I was not the only one pissed at Ed, it looks like he became rather upset with Amy and myself (since she and I talk a lot at the job and all). Though why he got more upset at the two of us, since at least 2 of the other staff has the same indifference for him that Amy and I do, I'll never know.

To sum it all up, I have to be nice (or at least as polite as I can be) to someone who treats me poorly. If I don't do so, and he complains, I could lose my job. Thankfully Ed leaves in less then 2 weeks and we're supposed to get some new staff members. Hopefully all the current staff that knows what they're doing can train the new people and we can have a real crew again instead of it feeling like we have a crew... and one guys who comes and follows us all day.

There, rant over. I feel better.

Yes... I caught it.... your point?

2007-07-22T18:10:00.000-04:00

I went to Shannon's wedding last night. It's the first wedding I've attended in my adult (over 18) life... and I have to say it was lovely. Shannon looked beautiful in her dress, and she and Stephen just look so CUTE together! I'll admit, I teared up as she walked down the aisle... and a few times after that. The ceremony was very well done and touching. It made me realize that I really do want to get married at some point... and not just for the presents.

The reception was just as nice, and very fitting for the new Mr and Mrs. BBQ for the dinner, and looooots of country music for the dancing. Shannon awesome dancing in a wedding dress is way better then seeing her dance in normal clothes. NOW I think I can die happy ;)

An odd part of the night was the tossing of the brides bouquet. Nothing really out of the ordinary, except for the fact that I caught it. Yes, that's right.... now I'm the next to get married. Lets see how that works out, shall we?

I know....

2007-07-16T01:17:00.000-04:00

I say I'm over him, but every now and then there are moment that feel like someones stabbed a hot knife between my ribs and is twisting it.

Like today.... I realized I couldn't remember the color of his eyes....

Another late night in good ole MI

2007-07-10T00:38:00.000-04:00

It's funny, the things we let ourselves believe.

We believe that they love us... we believe that we'll be friends even if things go wrong.... we believe that after all the bad we've been through, that finally, FINALLY we've found someone we can trust and open up to.

And then, after all the time spent talking, hoping, and trying to believe... we're left in the dust again. If it keeps happening time after time, why do we still believe?

Because we want to think that somewhere out there, there IS someone who could love us. Someone who'll stay friends if it all ends, someone who'll be there when we need them.

Lately, I've stopped believing.

Weekly Musings #4

2007-07-08T00:55:00.000-04:00

Fans make me dizzy if I watch them for too long.

I Want You

2007-07-02T17:44:00.000-04:00

I want you
I want you in all the ways a woman can want a man
I want you so bad that I move and burn in my skin

I crave you kinetically
To have your bike lunge upon my road
And thrust us together with it's acceleration

I want you so bad
I'd commit crimes to be with you
I want you so bad
I have no fear, no inhibitions
I want no other

I want you the way trees demand the release of Spring
The way the Ocean must fill it's bed
The way Earth and Moon are drawn to one another
Inescapable, yet individuals

I want you like gravity, like the elements
Like Fire wants oxygen
Like mountains want the sky
Like night wants day

I want you
I've been warned
It's dangerous and beautiful
It's heartache and silk and joy

And oh, How... I... Want... You

A poem I wrote back in January.... damn fine piece of work, if I do say so myself.

Weekly Musings #3

2007-06-28T22:52:00.000-04:00

Why is it that after a scary movie, odd things happen.
(like, say... the door to the bathroom slowly opening as I stand in the shower with a razor in hand and think "Hey, that's a bloody little knick there".)

Or is it just that we notice them more?

Placebo

2007-06-24T22:18:00.001-04:00

So as of yesterday I have officially moved back into my parents house. It's not too bad so far, though I did wake up with a tiny cat all up in my face... and trying to chew on my nose and fingers..... Turned in my keys for the apartment after work today, that part was really hard.

I think one of the worst parts of leaving was erasing the messages in my mailbox on the home phone. There were two I saved from back in November, he left them for me when I was going through a really tough time. I listened to them both a few timed before I deleted them. It feels like I'm losing the memories of everything we had, even just the talking. Those messages were the last recordings of his voice... and now, like everything else, they're gone.

Anyway, most of my stuff is still in boxes, and I think that's where a lot of it will stay. I see no reason to unpack all of my kitchen stuff since I'm not going to be using it. My books, art, music... all the important things will come out, but I think about half of the boxes will stay put.

My mom's really happy to have another female in the house to talk too, and I'll admit that it's kinda nice to have a yard again. However, the longer drive to work is a pain in the arse, but I'll deal. I do miss my quiet already... there's a lot of living things at my parents. Pets, other people, more pets...

I do feel a bit like I've lost a lot of freedom. I mean, it's not like I go out all the time, but I had the option too if I wanted. Now I feel like I'll be watched and questioned all the time if I go away for a weekend or don't come home at night.

Ah well... there's always an adjustment period. I just hope this one goes smoothly.

Cottonwood Spring

2007-06-21T23:40:00.000-04:00

They say that if you catch a cottonwood seed, you should make a wish. It's almost like wishing on a shooting star. Something rare.... something special.

Where I come from, cottonwood seeds float on air like heavy snow does in winter. They swirl and dance about like little white faeries, taunting you with their flighty ease. You'll be standing outside on a warm spring day and one will brush your cheek or arm in a soft 'hello'.. the sway off on it's merry way to goodness knows where.

It's amazing to watch them fly. Three or four mature trees close to each other can make it seem like you're almost in the middle of a blizzard. Birdsong in the background... nesting Orioles calling to each other, the wet rush of the Maumee rivers water over well battered stones as sunlight sneaks through the green canopy overhead.... it's almost like a private paradise.

Catching the cottonwood seeds is a real trick. They're so light that the slightest whiff of air will send the spinning. Kids always grab at the little seeds as the meander on the currents of air. They never catch them though. They're too eager, trying too hard and missing... and yet they try again and again, missing till they find something more interesting to do.

If you really want to catch a cottonwood seed, all you have to do is wait. They'll come in their own time, floating about your head in a 'you can't catch me' manner. Be patient, hold out a hand just so when you see one close enough. Don't make any sudden moves, you'll push it away with the air your hand makes. Watch it float into your hand and close your fingers gently.... then open.

Make a wish.

Blow softly and let it go.

I've caught enough seeds this year, made more then enough wishes.... of course, none have them have come true. Neither have the ones from last year, but that doesn't bother me a bit.

All I can do is learn. Work at everything as I did at catching the cottonwood. Be patient, be calm, and know that good things come to those who wait. I need to stop rushing like kids going after flights of fancy... because, at some point, it'll float my way... and all I have to do is hold onto it.

I have nothing witty to say....

2007-06-15T23:59:00.000-04:00

Today was the first time he and I talked....

I can't get him out of my head.

Not that that's very different from any other day, but I actually remembered an important date in a relationship. Crap, with Steve I couldn't even remember when we started dating...... so remembering the first day I talked with someone is really unusual.

Add to that all the talk of weddings and long relationships that's been floating around lately. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for those people in aid relationships. After all, everyone deserves a chance to BE happy.

It just reminds me of what I don't have.

Post 6/11

2007-06-13T16:06:00.000-04:00

Ok, so the birthday went pretty well.

Got up around 10, had breakfast (which I never ever have), did some stuff around the apartment that didn't involve packing, and then went shopping.

Now, the original intention of going shopping was to try and find a dress for Shannon's wedding in July. Since the only dresses I have are black, I figured I should at least TRY and get one that's a little more colorful for the occasion (even though Shannon said I could wear black, cause she knows it's my favorite color).

The dress shopping did not go well at all... however I did end up getting a few new shirts, one of which is white. Dress shopping however, will commence next week.

After shopping I went to the rents to have my birthday dinner. Hung out for a few hours, talked about what we were going to do for when I move back in..... then I went to the store, got a bottle of Boone's Farm (the peach one) and drank it before going to bed.

All in all, I'd say it was a good night. One of the better birthdays I've had in the past few years. I gotta say, the 12 months between the b-days were some of the most interesting I've ever had.

I'm still thinking of moving to cali though..... ;)

That time of year again....

2007-06-11T11:41:00.000-04:00

Yup yup, that'd be birthday time.

My birthday.

The big 2-4.

So far there has been sleepng in and breakfast, with plans made to go visit the rents later. Oh, and there will be packing as well.....

It should be a blast!

Get it???

2007-06-05T23:22:00.000-04:00

[

I almost peed myself laughing when I saw that.

Soooooooo funny... in a very twisted way ;)

Life Lessons

2007-06-04T16:44:00.000-04:00

Well, it's official.... I have to move back in with my parents. Can you tell that I'm thrilled?

It's not that I don't like my family, I love them.... but I need my own space. I need room to have my stuff where I want it, and to be able to do things on my own time, and without worrying what people in the house will think.

I first moved out when I was 19. Maggie and I had a small place together, and it rocked. After about a year of living there, I got fired from a job for a shit reason and had to move back home. I told myself that would never happen again. The next time i moved out, I made sure I had a good job and a roommate I thought I could count on. I even had a budget and everything!

I had to buy a new car back in March, and that set me back a bit... but I'm still in an ok spot. I could have done another year at the apartment I'm in now, just not on my own.

It's not that apartments in Toledo are all that expensive, it's just that the ones in the areas that I (as a single white female) find safe are too much. Heck, even some of the ones in the less then safe areas are too much.

So, needless to say, I'm not in a good spot right now. I hate losing the freedom I've gained lately. I hate the fact that I keep moving backwards in life and no matter what I do, things don't get better. Or, if they do get better, it's followed by a huge letdown.

In the past six months I've lost my first (and best ever) car, the only man I'd even seen the possibility of a future with, a promotion for a job which I deserved, a few things I'm not willing to talk about (but which are, nonetheless, important), and now my freedom and independence.

Next week is my birthday.... I'll be 24.

Is 25 even going to be worth it?

Face Down

2007-06-04T15:15:00.000-04:00

"Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough.."

I remember seeing them when they were an opening band for 30 Seconds to Mars

It feels like that was ages ago.

Weekly Musings #2

2007-06-04T00:36:00.000-04:00

Just what do guys mean when they say "Let's just be friends"?

Burn baby, burn

2007-05-29T00:44:00.000-04:00

Burn baby, burn
Burn with the passion of a thousand hearts
All in love, or torn apart

Burn baby, burn
There's a blood red sea in which your swimmin
And all you have to do is invite me in

Burn baby. burn
I wanna see your body writhe
Cause I'll be there if you let me lie

Burn baby, burn
With the tales you told, so sweet
Let them caramelize your body as they rock you off to sleep

Burn baby, burn
I need to see your tears and fears
The wounds left still run deeper then they appear

So burn baby,
Burn for me

The third to last line is still off after an hours work... but I'll get the bugger.

The Seventh Level

2007-05-28T14:49:00.000-04:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

I took this a while ago and ended up in the Second Level of Hell...... I guess I'll have to work on my anger issues ;)

Cell Block Tango

2007-05-28T01:55:00.000-04:00

Weekly Musings #1

2007-05-25T20:01:00.000-04:00

I despise those little tab things on the back of footwear.

I'd cut them off, but I get the feeling it might make my Sketchers feel like less of a shoe....

Apartment hunting

2007-05-24T17:01:00.000-04:00

Alright... I got some crappy news tonight, so I need to vent a bit.

-For almost the past year, I have been living in an apartment.

-My roommate is someone whom I work with at both of my jobs.

-The lease on the apartment is up in mid June.

-My roommate is hardly ever AT the apartment.

That having been said, for the past several weeks/months I've been trying to get an answer from my roonmmate on if she'll be able to renew our lease or not. Yesterday I found out that she doesn't think she'll be able to renew it, but she still doesn't know for sure.

This leaves me less then a month to either find a new roommate, find a new apartment, or move back in with my parents.

I am beyond pissed.

Her plan is to move in with her boyfriend, cause he ownes a house. That way she doesn't have to pay rent, and she's over there all the time anyway. Good for her, that's a pretty sweet set up..... however, it leaves me in the lurch.

She's all 'Oh, I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you sooner'. Really??? Cause from where I'm sitting, you could have at least told me what you were planning a little sooner.

So now I'm looking for new places to stay. I doubt I'll be able to find a new roommate in time, and I'd rather live with someone I know anyway. I really hope I can find a decent place and not have to move back to the rents again... I like living on my own.

Anyway, wish me luck.

And wish me into a better mood as well.....

Tuning the Piano

2007-05-23T00:09:00.000-04:00

I can hear it outside of my door, one long and mournful note after another. The same note, time after time after time. Monotonous, and yet strangely comforting... almost like a daily routine. I hear it floating into my space, making me stop and close my eyes as it meanders to my ears.

Setting down my sewing, I walk outside and sit on the steps of my building and take a seat. All is quiet except for that one note. It sends shivers up and down my spine as I hear it over and over. The soft light twang, the same vibration of a hammer on string that I've heard many times before. Slowly, it starts to change.... shrill at first, and then just a little too low. Small changes that you may not think would affect the song, but matter all the same.

There is silence for a moment, a small shuffling and the sound of wood on wood. I'm ready to stand when I hear the first few notes of a song wandering across the hall where I sit. It's soft and slow, a jazz tune like what you might find if you were in the bar of a Nior film. I can hear the note in there, the sad one... it sounds so at home in the song, surrounded by other notes of it's kind.

It makes my happy in a way, to know the note is safe. It's been twisted and tuned so many times now, but in the end it always stays the same. That one note, so lonely and full of longing on it's own, is so much more when set in time with others. I wonder if, somehow, we're all notes. All different on our own then we are with others... maybe some of us are better that way.

Music is a beautiful thing.

Civil War '07

2007-05-21T23:50:00.000-04:00

Yes, it was that time of year again.... the Civil War Encampment at Wildwood. Once more, I'd been looking forward to this event for ages, and it was well worth the wait.

Friday I went and picked up my corset... only to find out it was too big. I ended up taking it back and getting the right size, but I was worried there for a bit.

On Saturday I had to work from 8:30 am to 9 pm. During the day I did general running around (they let me drive a gator!) and helped out the wonderful reenactors that came to the event. At 6 I had to switch gears and get all prettied up for tours in the house. The best part of the day was when I got off of work. Molly and Christina came out for a bit, and we all hung out with the 9th KY. at their camp. The guys had a tent set up and were playing period music by fire and candlelight.... it was awesome. Molly and Christina had to leave around 10 or so, bit I ended up staying at the park and hanging out till about 2 or 2:30.

Sunday was nice too, the weather for the whole weekend was beautiful. I only had to work 4 hours on Sun, so I had lots of time to get into my period dress. After work I got changed and headed out to watch the ending on the ball game between the Westside Emeralds and the Ohio Village Muffins. A well played game, even though I only saw the last two innings ;)

This was the biggest year we've had so far for the encampment. Each time we have more reenacted and (even though I haven't seen the official numbers yet) more visitors. I really think that with some work, the encampment at Wildwood could be one of the best events out there. I am a little biased though, just cause I work there and all.

The thing that capped it all off was that I was invited to join the 9th KY.... as in, become a reenactor. I love the idea of doing encampments on weekends, and doing it more often makes sense since I look forward to the one at Wildwood so much. I already do living history for the canal boat, so it wouldn't be too much of a jump to start on the civil war. A bit more research, new clothes and camp gear.... I'm strongly considering it. Besides, the guys and gals in the 9th are some of the nicest people.... they love what they do and have fun while doing it, and I'd be more then happy to join them.

I blame this all on my parents. They always took me and my brothers to encampments, reenactments, and ren faires... this is all their fault!

Also, I have a hickey..... *coughsandwinks*

Had to get back on the horse at some point. And let me tell you, I missed it so very, very, much.

Not Again...

2007-05-15T01:12:00.000-04:00

I'm not doing it again.

I meet this guy... and he's sweet and funny and just... nice. He lives several states away, and I miss him horridly when we don't talk. And because of the time difference we can't talk often.

I just, I can't do another relationship. It's not worth all the time and effort I'd out into it. I'd end up hurt again. With my history, avoiding hurt is the best thing I can do right now.

Maybe in time, if he lets me take it slow... maybe I'll be ready.

It'll be a long time.

Love Me Not

2007-05-12T15:14:00.000-04:00

I wish I had found this sooner.

The poem and art aren't mine, but they're both beautiful.

"I fear our love will fade
I fear for feelings forgot
The pain of passion dying
outweighs knowing love not
I wish to never see our
romance turn to rot
And so... I do beseech my
love, to please... love me not."

May 9th... one year later

2007-05-09T16:30:00.000-04:00

Today is the one year anniversary of what has come to be known as 'The Incident" on a day I called "Bloody Tuesday". For those of you who have no idea what in the frilly dickens I'm talking about, please refer back to this post. For fun visuals, go here.

So a year after the incident the hands are doing well. There's still some scar tissue I'm working with in most of the fingers, and the little one on my left hand (the one that was in the splint) healed a little oddly, but at least they all work. Best part is, I'm almost back to the full range of motion I had before.

My hands do hurt sometimes, like when I'm cold and wet or if there's bad weather coming.... and I don't have all my gripping power back yet. It makes a few things hard, and I'm still a bit unsure and tentative about a few things.... but for the most part I think it's good.

Aside from the fingers, things are ok. Baby 2.0 runs great, the boat is awesome when it's not raining, I'm still in the apartment, and Civil War Days at Wildwood is next week! This year I have a dress, corset, and the whole bit, so I'll be in period dress after I get off work on Sunday. It'll only give me a few hours of free time to hang out and see the encampment after I get done working, but it'll be worth it.

Scooting off for now.... more updates soon ;)

Hooker Boots

2007-05-03T00:15:00.000-04:00

There are very few feelings better then watching two guys almost rollerblade into each other because they were watching you walk.

I blame the skirt and the hooker boots ;)

I should wear them to work often.

Stage 5

2007-04-26T00:55:00.000-04:00

It was me.

I was so happy and excited that I did a few things I should have kept quiet. I pushed a little when I shouldn't have.

Had I been quiet, it might have lasted longer... might have gone differently.

I can't do anything about it now, it's far to late for that. I know that in the end, I was a good friend. I did what I always do with friends, give my honest opinion because all I want for them is to be happy.

This, Ladies and Gentlemen, brings up to Stage 5 of the grieving process. It just happened one day. I think it was yesterday after I got home from a little trip...... mmmmmm, fun trip.

Anyway, I can't wait around. He's doing his thing and that doesn't include me anymore. Fine. I'm off and back to being me.

MCR

2007-04-17T23:58:00.000-04:00

I do NOT like him as a blonde....

The song is good though ;)

Finally....

2007-04-16T18:12:00.000-04:00

It's over now, as in officially.

I'd been hanging on for the past few months, just hoping he'd change his mind.

He didn't.

One the one hand I want to say 'good man!' for doing what he did and why... on the other I want to rip his heart out of his chest and make him eat it so he has an idea of how I felt.

I suppose I should start to move on now, that is what he wanted me to do. The question is after what we had, do I really want to?

Bang Bang

2007-04-15T18:55:00.001-04:00

*le sighs*

BotV

2007-04-14T19:58:00.000-04:00

I'll admit it, I can sometimes be a shameless whore when it comes to my games :P

Click the banner, sign up, and make my happy!

Please?

Just this once????

I neeeed the happy.......

Pictures of you...

2007-04-14T00:24:00.000-04:00

I was cleaning out my computer a bit today. In the middle of going through some old files, I found all my pictures of him. What I felt when I saw them was something I'd never had before. I felt dizzy, like the chair under me would just roll away and leave me on the floor. I cried a little, as I am prone to do these days, and waited for the feeling to subside.

I deleted all the pictures.

Then I went and got sick.

I'm tired again. Have to be up at 7, doing a wedding in the Manor House. What a better way to start the day then to help a happy couple have a wondeful wedding???

I have a feeling tomorrow is going to suck.

Grief

2007-04-10T23:32:00.000-04:00

Generally with the loss of a loved one, there are five stages of griving one goes through.

1. Denial – The "No, not me" stage.

2.Anger/Resentment – The "Why me?" stage.

3. Bargaining – The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage.

4. Depression- The "It's really happened" stage.

5. Acceptance – The "This is what happened" stage.

I keep bouncing back between 2 and 4, generally one leads to the other. Now, in the books and in various forms of entertainment, they make it seem as is it's a simple progression from one to the next. Denial leads to Anger, Anger leads to Bargaining, Bargaining leads to Depression, Depression leads to Acceptance, Acceptance leads to the Dark Side.... and so on and so forth.

In actuality, one can bounce between the stages for weeks, months, or even years depending on how severe the loss was.

With me I'm not sure which one it'll be. See, I'm dealing with the loss of two people.

The first is the gent from my romantic relationship, Yes, I know I gone over it before... but allow me to explain. When I enter a relationship I tend to be very careful since I've been hurt a lot before. In this case, once my defences had been broken down I was gone so fast I couldn't even blink, even though I knew I would end up getting hurt. This is where I get my depression from. I was so sure he'd be around... so sure I'd found someone who cared for me... and I got let down, again, and ended up with a broken heart, again.

The second is the gent I had a friendship with. Yes, they are the same guy, but we said we'd be friends no matter what happened. I kept up my side of things, but one day he just stopped talking to me. No calls, no emails, no IM's.... nothing. Now I'm already dealing with a broken heart, but on top of it I suddenly lost a guy who said he'd always be there for me, even if it WAS just as a friend. That's what we started out as, that's how we should end if, if it was to end. This is where the anger comes from. Only, with this it's less of a "Why me" and more of a "Why did he do this to me".

I understand he has things to work on that are more important right now, but he didn't even say goodbye......

I know now I'm never going to see him again. No matter how much I wish it, I know better. It hurts to lose him, both as a friend and as something more. The last serious relationship I had it took me a good year to even think of the guy without getting all mopey, and I didn't feel about that last guy as I do now.

When I get through the five stages, I won't be going through it with a romantic relationship again. Last time I got dumped (I'm always the dumpie), I said it'd take someone really special who could sweep me off my feet to get me into a relationship again. Well, he did... and I paid for it.

So at the end of it all, I lost someone who started out as a friend and became something more... and left me altogether without a word. I want to get through the stages quickly so I can move on. It does no good to dwell on what I can't have, or rather on what won't have me.

Maybe I just wasn't good enough.

(this post brought to you by the Society of Closet Emos)

Musical Interlude IV

2007-04-09T14:54:00.000-04:00

It's from the wrong perspective, but it still rings true.

I tried

2007-04-09T14:18:00.000-04:00

I tried to be that girl again, the one he fell in love with. I tried to be my old self, laughing and smiling whenever I could, just because I could. I tried not to think about everything that may or may not happen now... I really did try to be the girl he fell in love with.

I can't be her now. I can't be me.

I can't smile when I feel like I'm falling apart. Sure I may be almost like myself when I'm with other people, but I'm quiter. I don't talk about myself, I don't talk about the future. I can't. Seeing a couple kiss almost send me into tears.

I'm trying to get over him, but I don't think my body wants to. The fact that he won't talk to me at all hurts more then the end of our romantic relationship did.

I'm tired of caring, I'm tired of not being able to sleep well in my own damn bed because I keep thinking of him.

I'm just tired...

Musical Interlude III

2007-04-09T00:21:00.000-04:00

I always liked Willow.

Of course, K's Choice rocks too.

Musical Interlude II

2007-04-06T22:53:00.000-04:00

Did you ever torment yourself by going over something in your head so many times until all you wanted to do was scream till you stopped feeling?

Musical Interlude

2007-04-05T23:34:00.000-04:00

Right now words can do no justice to my emotions.

So, once again, I'll use my fallback of music. It's always been able to express me far better then I can.

Once I can sing this song without crying, I think I'll finally be ok.

Best weekend EV... oh wait... wrong weekend

2007-04-03T00:48:00.000-04:00

So this weekend was a first... and not a very good one. See, I had my first ever allergic reaction, and it was a pretty nasty one. It started out on Friday with my being just a little blotchy. I wasn't worried... blotchy happens sometimes. So I went about my day and ended up in bed as usual.

Woke up Saturday and a little bit of my face was red and a bit puffy around the eyes, kinda like I'd been sleeping on it in a funny way. Again, no biggie.... slap on some make-up and scoot off to work. Have dinner, go to bed... yada, yada, yada....

Sunday I get up and know something is wrong right away. Head right over to the bathroom and see that almost all of my face has a red rash and a lot of it is swollen... as in swollen to the point where I can't fully open my eyes, but I can still see.

Now, being the kind of person I am, I get a shower and head to work. Why did I do that? Because I was the one opening up the house. First thing I do when I have the house light on is call around to see if I can get someone to cover the rest of my shift.

Erin came in at noon and was wonderful enough to offer to go get me some Benadryl from the gas station at the corner, but she had the ranger come take a look at me while she was gone. The ranger thought I needed to go to the ER..... Yeah, THAT was a good sign.

Anyway, Erin got back and I popped two benadryl and got someone to come in for me. Once all the work stuff was covered, I headed over to my parents house. Why go there and not the ER if it was so bad? Well, my mom is a nurse for starters.

I took about 5 homeopathic remedies and drank a lot of water before falling asleep on the couch for about an hour. when I got up the swelling had gone down a bit, but I was still really red and I itched...a LOT.

So here it is Monday and I'm doing much better. Between the drugs, homeopathics, and water the swelling is almost gone and so is the redness. I'm heading to the Doc's tomorrow to see if there's anything else I can do to figure out what happened.

Sad thing is, the day it started and the day I had something new introduced to my environment was Friday.... the day I got my new car. I'm thinking it might have been something they used to clean the car with before I picked it up, but it kinda bites that I might be allergic to my car.

Hopefully we'll find out tomorrow ;)

Cars.. no, not the movie

2007-03-31T22:00:00.000-04:00

I HAVE A NEW CAR!!!!!!!

Yup yup. A 2005 Saturn Ion 1. It's the basic model so it's doesn't have power windows, locks, or even a tape deck, but I love it. 5 star crash test rating, working radio, polimer side pannels, and I plan on getting a CD player with detachable face and an iPod hookup so I can have all my tunes with me.

It runs like a dream, I hadn't realized how bad my Prizm had gotten till I test drove some other cars. It amazed me that I got 500 for my trade in.

Letting go of the Prizm (Baby) wasn't easy, she's been with me for 7 years. My aunt got her new in 1994 and sold her to me in 2000. It's the car I took my drivers test in, the car I had when I graduated high school, when I went to Europe, when I dated a few of my biggest mistakes and my strongest love, when I moved... twice... So many many memories were wrapped up in that car.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't kiss the stearing wheel before I left her at the dealership.

They say your first car is like your first love, and in many ways it is. It's the car you'll remember when you talk about your teenage years, the car you'll think about when doing normal things, the car you'll compare all others too.

As much as I loved Baby, and I did, I knew it was time for us to part. A part of her will always be with me, and I don't just mean her antenna which broke off two years ago....

Rest well Baby, I love you!!!!

Baby
~1994-2007~

The Quilt

2007-03-20T15:35:00.001-04:00

I went to my parents house today. I try and go once a week, just cause I need to visit them once in a while and it's always nice to be around people I love.

My mom handed me a quilt when I was there, and it wasn't just any normal quilt. The one she gave me is the same style of one I grew up with. I almost cried when I got it. This quilt is more to me then just something to keep warm. It's kind of a rite of passage.

The quilt it's modeled after is one that's been with my family since before I was born. It's a simple quilt, blue back and border with a bunch of squares for most of the top. It's quiet and unassuming. looks like something you might find in a store now-a-days.

The original quilt was my grandmothers. Growing up I remember it hanging on the back of the rocking chair in the living room. It was the quilt my mom brought to outdoor concerts, ball games, and picnics. It's the quilt my brothers and I would use to make out forts when we had nerf fights in the house and I'd sit on it in the summer when I read in the backyard.

My mom made this one for me, a nice medium blue for the back and light colored squares at one end flowing into darker ones at the other. Now that I have a place of my own it means a lot to me that my mom made me a quilt like hers. I'm putting it on the back of the couch in the living room of my apartment. If I ever have a family of my own, that's the quilt we'll use for concerts, ball games, fort build, picnics, and anything else we can think of.

It may not be something big, or fancy, or old.... but this quilt means the world to me. I'm going to try my hardest to make one for my daughter if I have one. She'll get it when she moves out and starts her own life. Hopefully it'll mean the same thing to her as it does to me.

This quilt means love... a warm hug from home when I need it, and knowing that someone cares.

Just another day

2007-03-18T17:43:00.000-04:00

I was supposed to be in D.C. this weekend....

It's funny how you never notice how much something gets mentioned until you're deprived of that thing. Everywhere I look there's references to D.C. The anti-war and pro-war demonstrations, Legally Blonde 2 was on last night (the one where she goes to Washington), even the ladies that rented the Manor House for party last night were from D.C

I wanted to go so badly. Spending time with him was the reason, though seeing all the stuff would have been awesome too.

I miss him. I guess it's one of those things you don't miss so much until it's gone.

To make things worse, I left one of my rings at the Manor House. It's a cute little silver and amethyst ring (amethyst is one of my birthstones) that my grandmother gave me. One of the ladies from the party found it and took it to the staff working that night, I left at 5 so I wasn't there. The staff working, instead of setting it aside in 'lost and found' gave it to the lady who rented the room because they thought it belonged to someone in the party.

I have no way to get ahold of this woman. She lives, oddly enough, in D.C. will be heading back there in a few days. My only option at this point is to try and contact her when she gets home and have her mail it to me if she still has it. I say if she still has it because it's a very pretty, and old, ring. The way people are these day someone might have said "Yeah, that's mine." and just taken it, or she could have left it at her mothers.

I'm still not sleeping well and I'm so stressed out that I've had a headache for the past few days. This just adds to all the crap I'm dealing with right now, and I really don't think I can handle anything else going wrong.

I'm gonna go try and make dinner. Here's hoping I don't hurt myself.

Fuel

2007-03-17T12:12:00.000-04:00

With the break-up thing that's going on , I've noticed I have more bad days then good. Today is a bad day.

I'm sitting here at work and thinking about the first time I saw him. He came up the front walk of the Manor and knocked on the door, he was wearing a red sweater and long black coat with jeans. We both smiled and I took him on a tour of the house. When we got to the upstairs he reached into his coat and took out a yellow rose with orange tips on the petals.

I feel like I can't wear anything that I wore that day anymore, like I can't wear anything he said looked good on me.

The last time I saw him was when he dropped me off at the airport to fly home. I was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt that had flowers, vines, and a art-deco lady's face on it. Entwined in the flowers and vines are the words 'Languishing in Love'. Foreshadowing much?

He said he liked the shirt a lot....

I haven't worn it since.

Done

2007-03-14T23:14:00.000-04:00

Ok... I've had it.

I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't damn well THINK.

I'm tired, I'm in pain, and I can't make it go away.

I have NEVER felt so sick in my life.

So I'm done. No mare dating, no more sex, no more caring.... emotions hurt too much.

Every single relationship I have ever been in has ended with me getting hurt. I'm always the one left, it's always them and not me.

I'm scared of asking people out, I'm scared of getting close to anyone at all.

In the end, trusting and loving people just allows them to hurt you more.

Spinning on the Sidewalk

2007-03-14T17:45:00.000-04:00

I've had a fairly crappy past two weeks.

I know... great way to start a blog!

It's true though.... I'm dealing with the realization that I'm not where I want to be at this point in my life.

I miss school... I miss having a life, not that I had much of one to begin with... I miss so much right now that I can't even list it all.

My judgment has failed me, mt reason has failed me..... I have failed me.

Yeah, it's a bit melodramatic, but I'm allowed.

My jaw is sore from being manipulated back into place. How it got OUT of place I'll never know. My chiropractor said I'm carrying waaaaaay too much stress in my neck and shoulders, I need to relax more. I found out today that my new position at work got cut because of budget issues, so the job I've been working on for almost the past year I won't get.

Adding to all this stress if the fact that a few close friends of mine are separating. I talk to one or both of them each day and I'm trying to help them work things out... Honestly, it's wearing on me a lot.

At 23 my life plan has gone far off of track and I'm trying to right it.

Once I get my taxes sorted out I'll be applying for schools.... mostly Ohio ones since that's where I live :P

I'm going to be reevaluating my work. Is this what I want to do? I've been working for the parks for almost four years and I've gone nowhere in the system. If I'm putting that kind of effort into things, I need to know I'll be getting something back.... like a living wage.

New car is a biggie. I love Baby, but she's 13 at this point and she's been hangin on for the last two years. My '65 Mustang will have to wait for a while, unless I will the Lottery.

Hmmmmmm....... I suppose if all else fails I do have my back-up plan of being the crazy cat lady.

On a happier note, it's warming up. Over 70 for the past two days, and I got to do somethings I sorely miss in winter... walking around without a coat and driving around with the music on and the windows down! It may not be a kick arse song, but 'Sleep to Dream Her' by DMB is an awesome song to drive to on a sunny day.

That's all for now... I'm off to make dinner and watch a movie.

Sleep

2007-03-11T01:04:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks like I have a pinched nerve in my neck and a mildly dislocated jaw.

Don't ask how it happened. The only thing I can think of is that sleep hates me and is trying to kill me in my.... well.... sleep.

Well I'll be damned, it's the perfect plan!!!!

Now, all I have to do is not fall asleep.......

We'll see how that goes.

Exploring the Past

2007-03-06T15:14:00.000-05:00

I've noticed that as I get older I get more interested in history. It all started when I began working at the Canal Boat and had to do research for developing my first person interpretation.

Now, people who live in Toledo and the surrounding area will tell you it's a rather boring place to be. While that may be true for some, others who know what the city's been through know better ;)

This part of Ohio, as in Lucas county, has been the site of many famous battles;

The Anthony Wayne Trail is named after General "Mad" Anthony Wayne who took his 3000 man strong army ( called the Legion of the United States) up against the 1500 man combined forces of The Indian army which consisted of Blue Jacket's Shawnees and Buckongahelas's Delawares, Miamis led by Little Turtle, Wyandots, Ojibwas, Ottawas, Potawatomis, Mingos, and even some Canadian militia at the Battle of Fallen Timbers. Wayne's battle at Fallen Timbers is often called the “last battle of the American Revolution” and one of the three most important battles in the development of our nation. Supposedly as Wayne made his way from the battle field, he and his troops burned the forest and crops for 50 miles along the Maumee to prevent the Indians from resettling. The road that now runs along that supposed path is the Aforementioned Anthony Wayne Trail.

Perrysburg is named after Commodore Oliver "Hazard" Perry who turned a defeat against the British Navy during the Battle of Lake Erie in 1812 into a decisive victory. On September 9, the British Naval Commander Robert Barclay sailed out of Amherstburg with the intention of unblocking the Lake Erie supply line. He met Oliver Hazard Perry’s squadron at Put-in-Bay the next day.

After almost four hours of intense cannon fire, individual acts of heroism, and much human suffering, the British surrendered. On Perry’s flagship the Lawrence only 20 out of 103 men escaped the engagement without being killed or wounded. The battle ended in unequivocal victory for the Americans. It was the first time in history that an entire British fleet was defeated and captured by the enemy.

Immediately after the battle Perry sat down to scribble the dispatch that became the most-quoted phrase of the war: “We have met the enemy and they are ours.”

Toledo once sat at the edge of something called The Great Black Swamp, which covered a great part of northwest Ohio and bits of Indiana. To quote the City of Perrysburg site...

"40 miles wide and 120 miles long. It was the Great Black Swamp, an oozing mass of water, mud, snakes, wolves, wildcats, biting flies, and clouds of gnats and mosquitoes. It was nearly big enough to cover the entire state of Connecticut.

Water, often up to the belly of a horse, stood on the surface until it evaporated in the hot summer months. When it rained, or thawed in the winter, it was water and muck. Much of the swamp was covered with an almost impenetrable forest of giant oak, sycamore, hickory, walnut, ash, elm, maple and cottonwood trees, except in a few prairie areas where limestone just under the surface would not support timber growth.

Not even native Indians went into the swamp except to hunt, and unless you could follow a blazed trail, it was easy to become hopelessly lost since you could only see but a few yards ahead.

The swamp was created 20,000 years ago when the last glacier retreated."

Because of this swamp, it was almost impossible to get anything through this part of the territory. When Ohio was made a state in 1803 the Ohio Vally area was almost untouched because of the condition and hazards presented and encountered in the quagmire of the swamp. Their first official road laid through the swamp was in 1825, it was finally paved with gravel in 1832. Ditches were dug to drain the land, and the Canal projects were started in the 1820's.

The Miami and Erie Canal, started in 1825 and completed in 1845, was a big part in the development of this part of Ohio. Starting in Toledo, the M&E Canal went all the way to Cincinnati when it was finished, also connecting Lake Erie Indiana by way of the Wabash Extension which ended in Fort Wayne Indiana. The Canal's were booming in the mid 1800's, hauling supplies for the Civil War, giving farmers a way to get their crops out of the fertile Ohio Valley and to market, and even carrying supplies for the thing that would mean the Canal's downfall... the railroads.

Canals couldn't run in the winter and it often took a whole week or longer to travel the length of the M&E. Railroads could go year round, haul more product at a faster rate, and were a far more comfortable mode of transportation. Also, railroads were not limited to following the natural waterways as the canals were. After a major flood in 1913, the M&E Canal was closed for good.

That's just the early history... I focus mainly on 1825 to 1876 when I work on the boat. Things at the Manor House are between 1910 and now, so I get a chance to explore a good part of Ohio's history at work. I get paid to do this ;)

Later in it's history Toledo had Mob issues (Toledo's location between Detroit, New York, and Chicago was perfect for Mob activity), became the 'Auto-parts Capital of the World', suffered between a 50 and 80 percent unemployment rate during the depression, started a zoo that is now among the top 10 in the nation, and is the home of the ever famous Jeep.

Anyway, this whole long post DOES have a point.

Today is one of my days off, and on my days off I tend to think.... a lot.... I said earlier how the older I get the more interested I get in History, but at the same time I also get more unsure about the future.

History is documented. We know it happened and there's all this proof about it. There artifacts and maps and letters... it's something that's solid, unmoving, almost comforting. The future is a cloud of unknowing... and I think I'm afraid of it.

I'm afraid I won't finish school, and if I do that I won't find a job that lets me make a difference in people's lives. I'm afraid I'll never travel again, be bogged down with debt, end up alone... like the creepy cat lady ;)

Why am I writing all of this? Because writing has always been an outlet for me. This blog lets me express myself to no one and everyone at the same time. My experiences aren't unique, and maybe someone will take a look at that and realize they feel the same way. Because this way I have it as a record, because I won't be judged until it's all read...

I always wanted to write something profound, be it for myself or others. I want to make a difference and be able to relate it to others and have then connect with it. I suppose my work with history ties in with all of that... my job is to explain the time periods I work with and help people relate to and understand them.

Maybe exploring the past can help me be more certain about the future and where I'm headed.

BOAT! Boatboatboatboatboat!

2007-03-03T00:34:00.000-05:00

Right... so as one might have guessed, I'm going to be working on the boat again this summer. Another year of working outdoors, in a period 1876 dress, and sunburn because I never remember to put on sunscreen.

So far I know Molly, Shannon, George, Angela, and Patrick will be on the boat too.... and we're hiring new seasonals as well. I am so excited it's not even funny. Well, ok... maybe it is.... but only a little! I need to go shopping for boat shoes, bobby pins, sunblock, knee highs, and something that looks like it'll hold a lot of whiskey.

I think I might expand a little on my first person this year. Yeah, I know Anna is a drunk Irishwoman.... but why is she like that? Well, fun for starters... but I need a good reason. She has a second grade education which is fitting for an immigrant of the time, she cooks, drinks, gambles.. so basically your lower class woman of the period.

Maybe this year I'll have her lighten up on the drinking and give her a better education. My goal for Anna has always been to showcase how life would have been for a poor woman working on the canals in the early Victorian era. So far I think I've done a good job since there weren't many woman doing what we do on the boat in actual canal times. Personally, I think I met that goal and it might be time to move onto something else.

First person in historical interpretation is all about character development ;)

Love

2007-03-01T23:02:00.000-05:00

When we are children, we are taught that True Love is the most wonderful miracle in the world. It's in fairy tales, TV shows, and I'm sure we all know at least one couple who have that perfect love that will last a lifetime. It's magical and wonderful and your lucky if you find your one True Love What the don't tell you in all those fairy tales is that True Love hurts as well. It can be cruel, blinding, and make you think thoughts you never thought you think in you whole life.

Love doesn't consider the problems that race, class, education, or a slew of others things in life. Love is a reaction of one person to another. It doesn't care about any of the above factors that can cause intense amounts of friction in life. Love just is. It's not rational, it doesn't find you the perfect mate and the perfect life.

I thought I had love with my first boyfriend. He was nice, he loved me, and he had what I was looking for at the time. He also broke my heart. After that I had other relationships, most of them lasting only a few weeks of months, and none of them ended well despite that fact that I did love the guys.

In all of the relationship I noticed a trend... none of the guys treated me very well. Sure, they were nice and all.. but they didn't stick around because they wanted something from me that I wouldn't give them. I found one person... One person I actually thought about having a serious relationship with since then.

I will say one thing for love though... True Love or just the normal kind, it IS wonderful when you have it. It teaches you patience and understanding. Right now I'm more patient then I have been my entire life.

Things hurt at the moment, and there's a good chance they'll hurt more later. That's just how life is. Love is illogical and no one can understand why it does the things it does.

Anyway, I'm rambling and it's late.

Later all.

This is...

2007-03-01T19:43:00.000-05:00

This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion This is the Black Cherry Invasion.

This is the Black Cherry Invasion.

Now back to you regularly scheduled programing.

Once Upon A Time

2007-02-24T19:31:00.001-05:00

I was asked today by some one at work if I thought being home schooled did me more good then being public schooled would have. Out of habit I said yes, because I always thought it did. The rest of the day was spent trying to figure out what my home education did that public ed wouldn't have done.

Everything I thought of led back to my mother. She was always a driving force behind me,. no matter what it was I wanted to do. She taught me that above all, everything you do is a learning experience. That helped me a lot through high school, college, and just life in general.

This led me to another question... do I regret anything? Everyone says they have regrets, things they wish they could have done or explored, 'what ifs' if you will. I though on that idea for hours and I finally came up with an answer.

No.

I don't regret anything. The things I have done in my still short life have made me who I am, and I like who I am. My education, my work experience, my relationships. I'll always wonder what would have happened if I did something different, but I don't regret not doing the things I've done.

However, looking back at thing I noticed something odd. I tend to give up what I want and/or need so other people are happy. It's not that I don't want to fight for these things, but I'd rather see someone else with a smile on their face then fight them.

I know I'm not a Saint, I'm far from it... but I've done a lot of things that would surprise people. Just recently I gave up something I wanted more then anything else, and I gave it up because it was needed elsewhere. Of course it hurts, it always does.. I just content myself with the thought that someone else is smiling in my place, and that almost makes it worthwhile.

My question now is: When is it my turn? When do I get to be happy? When will I have something all to myself that I won't have to give up?

Karma owes me big time for this.

Now, if you'll pardon me.... the Baileys is calling again.

Flying... in more ways then one

2007-02-20T21:36:00.000-05:00

I just had one of the most wonderful mini-vacations in... well, about a
month. It involved me flying out to the farthest west I've ever been
and spending almost 3 full days with the amazing guy I've been seeing.
Now this guy... he lives in a different time zone and I miss him a lot,
so the few times I get to see him are really the highlights ofbasically
everything right now. I count the days till I can see him again, then
lose all track of time when I'm with him. It's really never something I
thought I'd get to have, but I do have it... and I couldn't be happier.

Parting with him is always hard, but I discovered something on the flight home
that made the leaving a bit easier. The flight I took wasn't direct, so
not only did I have a lay-over in OHare on the way out there, but on the way back I had to go to Denver before heading back to Detroit.

Now, I have flown before... and those flights (to and from Europe, the flight out to my guy on Sat.) were all at night. I had a window seat heading out to Denver, and the things I saw were some of the most beautiful I have ever laid eyes on.

I love Earth Science, and the landscape out west is full of interesting geographical features. I saw miles and miles of fields that resembled patchwork quilts... rivers
so old they had huge flood plains and oxbow lakes that had once been
part of the river before it twisted so much it cut itself off... lakes
and trees and the morning mists slowly burning off of fields in the
sunlight. But above everything else, I sawmountains.

Coming into to Denver I hadn't really thought about them being there, mostly because mountains don't exist in Toledo. Hell, we're lucky if we get hills around here. The last time I actually saw mountains is when my mom graduated midwifery school and we all drove down for her graduation... I think I was 9 or 10... I can't quite remember.

Until lately I have done much traveling, which is odd considering that I wanted to take a solo road trip around the U.S. when I graduated high school so I cold take photos. I'd become almost annoyingly settled here in my little apartment, waiting on life to run it's course and I'd just go with it. I figured I'd travel later
since I never seemed to have the time or the companions to do so now. I know now that while I can still do that when I'm older, I have no reasons for not traveling now.

You see, I saw those mountains and a huge sense of longing washed over me. They were beautiful, just standing there in their gray and snow capped solitude. I miss that... the excitement of seeing something new and the longing I have when I see something so
wonder I feel as if I might cry. Yes, I know some of this may just seem
silly to people, but Itruly love the natural wonders this wold has to offer.

I'd love to get a rail pass and just ride around the U.S. Amtrak
has a station downtown here and rail passes aren't that expensive, plus
it'd keep me from driving for hours on end... I can't stand doing that
alone. I want to see themountains again. I want to see Yellowstone and Mt. Saint Helens. I want to see the Redwoods, visit the nations capital, and see every ocean I can. I want to go back to Europe and see the museums, the ruins, the countryside, and everything I missed the first time. I want it all.

It will be a while before I get it, I know that much at least. Right now I
do need to focus on school again and work, but I don't plan on waiting
till I retire to do all the things I want. I can't settle for a life
here, always sticking to my routine and not exploring. I don't want to
settle for anything less then I deserve, anything less then the love I
have now.

Yes, I am in love with him, and he with me. He treats me the way I always should have been but no one before did. I have no idea where this thing where us is headed, but I do know where I'd like it to go. The situation iscomplected, so I'll just be patient and think of my mountains till I can see him again. Maybe if I'm lucky we'll see them together...

Toledo

2007-02-16T15:06:00.000-05:00

You are 100% Toledo.

You are a 419 pimp. You can eat a Paco's dog with Farr, or get wasted with Katie at the bars. You dont really care what a mud hen is your still going to the games.

How Toledo are you?
Make Your Own Quiz

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Well, that's what I get for living here ;)

Love and Hate

2007-02-08T22:32:00.000-05:00

As human beings we tend to be ruled by our emotions. Our ability to feel and understand most of these emotions separate us from the other lifeforms on this planet. However, emotions are not easy things to deal with, more often then not they can leave us confused and disoriented to a certain degree. Many people say that the two most powerful emotions are love and hate. These two emotions, while both extremes, are really quite closely related.

Emotions are generally broken down on a line reaching from Love, at point A, to Hate, all the way at the other end which is Point B. In between are the good emotions, in the middle of which sits Apathy. On the Love side of things you have the 'good' emotions: Joy, Happiness, Caring, Empathy, etc etc... leading to apathy in the middle, and then progressing to the Hate side of things, the 'bad' emotions: Anger, Indifference, Jealousy, Sadness, etc etc...

Now, what if we looked at these emotions as if they were not on a straight line, but rather a circle. Take that line at Apathy in the middle and bend it so that Love and Hate connect at the top. Why do a circle and not the line? Because emotions are not flat, they don't lead us in a perfect line from one thing to the next. Love and Hate and the two most involved emotions, the ones that cause us the most hurt, or happiness depending on the situation.

Love is said to be bliss. Happiness, joy, and everything wonderful all rolled up into one simple little word. One can't live without it, or if they do they'll have a sad life not knowing what it was. True love is the rarest thing anyone can find, and it should be treasured like the precious jewel it is.

Hate is the opposite. Called the most vile of emotions it can be violent and possessive, it can lead normal people to do things they never thought they could do. Hate lingers, it festers. Given time Hate can make the sweetest person into a rage filled devil, unrecognizable even to their closest friends and family.

Love gone bad can turn to Hate faster then the drop of a hat. Those two emotions, those extremes at either end of the line are more closely related then most believe. Both are primal instincts: Love is caused in part by the human need to reproduce, to find someone to live with who we can depend on for support, Hate is caused in part by the need to protect what is our from others. All other emotions come from these two, these sisters at the ends of a line, together at the top of the circle because they are almost one in the same.

Apathy is the lack of emotion, the lack of caring. It is at the bottom of the circle because without it, we are no more then animals with large highly functioning brains.

A little something for you to chew on.... I'm going to bed.

Calling you: Blue October

2007-01-28T00:49:00.000-05:00

There's something that I can't quite explain
I'm so in love with you
You'll never take that away
And if I've said a hundred times before
Expect a thousand more
You'll never take that away

Well expect me to be
Calling you to see
If you're okay when I'm not around,
Asking if you love me
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I too hard to make you smile,
To make us smile...

I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping or you're dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me

I thought that the world had lost its sway
(It's so hard sometimes)
Then I fell in love with you
(Then came you)
And you took that away
(It's not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)

You take away the old, show me the new
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you
So while I'm on this phone
A hundred miles from home
I'll take the words you gave
And send them back to you

I only want to see
If you're okay when I’m not around,
Asking if you love me
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile,
To make us smile....

I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping or you're dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me...

20 days my Darling... 20 days and I'll get to hold you again.

I hate long distance almost as much as math.
*grumbles*

Tagged by Labbie

2007-01-06T20:53:00.000-05:00

First, the rules:1. Players start by listing three things he/she got for Christmas.2. Then they list three things he/she definitely did not want to get for Christmas.3. Then he/she tags five friends and lists their names.4. The ones who get tagged write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes, and state the rules clearly.5. Then tag five more victims. The tagger needs to leave the tagged a comment that says you have been Christmas tagged! And tell them to read the tagger's blog.

My response 'n stuff

1.
A – A printer for my comp
B – The Garden State Soundtrack
C – A handmade stained glass butterfly

2.
A – Syphilis...... *shifty eyes* whaaaaaaaaat? I really don't want it....
B – A pony
C – MC Hammer pants

3. I don't have friends.... but if I did ;)
Maggie, Swayer, Joe, Mike, and Matt

Love Court

2006-12-31T00:13:00.000-05:00

Last night while talking on the phone with a friend, he mentioned something about "Love Court". Now, he said it as an attempted witty comeback to something I had said which was, no doubt, cute and annoying... a comeback that failed in such a lovely way that I couldn't stop giggling. Yes, I giggled... a lot ;) However, once I stopped giggling I came up with something that I can't forget saying.

Love is illogical. It is not based on the laws of man, but rather the laws of the heart. Since love is illogical and can not be defined by normal laws then everything in the court would be based on perspective and emotion, not laws as we know them. Noone would win and nothing would be solved if everyone argued that they did it for love.

Ok, so it's not verbatim, but it was 1 in the morning... so it's close enough.

Interesting concept though. Passion and wronged lovers.. he said she said, all tried in an illogical court of law where emotions rule and screw the laws of the state. Murder, slander, hate, and lies are accepted so long as it's in the name of love.... anything in the name of love...

Who do you love baby ;)

Recyled Air

2006-11-26T23:30:00.000-05:00

The stale taste of this recycled air
Passing out of one and into another
Does it take a part of someone with it?
That air, so soft and flowing
Does it keep a part of each body in pauses at?
It enters, swirling about in lungs and staying for a few seconds
Only to exit with a simple sigh and drift about
Mixing with the rest of the atmosphere till inhaled again
Repeat process and continue
Does it somehow connect me to you?
This air I breathe, exhale, and send on it's way
Perhaps a little bit of it makes it's way to you
Floating around you and touching your being
As I wish to do, and it makes me smile
To think a small piece of me is with you
No matter how far apart we may be

Rant time

2006-11-07T01:25:00.000-05:00

I was talking with some people tonight, some people I've known for a while and consider friends. We were talking about a lot of things, and at some point, it turned kinda nasty.

Now, last time I looked, I was an adult. I can drink, I can vote, I live on my own and support myself. As an adult, I have my own views, beliefs, and opinions that I have come to hold dear after looking at all the options I have in life. If I like, I can buy a foreign car, or quit my job and move to Europe. Those are my choices and no one else's.

My problem is not with people who have views different then mine, different views make things interesting if you can talk about them in a reasonable manner. My problem is when someone has such strong views on something that they try and guilt me into changing my views on something I really believe in.

If I buy a foreign car, don't try and tell me that the money I paid for it is going to support terrorists because the car wasn't build in America. If I want to move to Germany or Russia, don't try and make me feel guilty because of what those nations did, or do to the people living there.

My views, my opinions, my beliefs or lack thereof... they are MINE! If they differ from yours and you do not like it, then stuff it. I have enough stress in my life that I don't need someone trying to guilt me into believing something that doesn't fit my personality. The things I believe in fit me well and are the results of many years of the trials and errors that come with life. As I get older and new things happen, they may change, but they will change because I choose them to.

Life is about choices, some hard and some easy. I like me because I'm different, because I don't believe whatever people want me to. The ONLY thing you will do by trying to guilt me into something is you will make me resent you. I'm willing to talk about things, I've always been willing to talk, but not like that. It's fine for two people to not agree, it happens all the time, just don't try and make me feel guilty for the choices I make. I'm sure I could find a few things I could guilt you about if I really felt that mean, but I'm not. Why? Because I respect the differences and other peoples opinions enough to sometimes not say something hurtful.

Ok, rant over-ish. We may revisit this later if I'm still ticked, but I need sleep now.

Nights all you darling crazy people.

Mindlessness

2006-10-30T23:23:00.000-05:00

It was beautiful out today. Well, beautiful for October in MI. Temps close to 70, sunny, a light breeze... I didn't even have to wear a coat to work this afternoon. For the most part, I didn't even mind going in on my day off, and going in early on my day off.... *pouts*

Despite the weather, and things being nice for the day, I felt like something was wrong. It's one of those things you can't really explain right away. So, of course, I just had to think about it.

I think I figured it out in the end. I feel like I've lost something. I have so much, and I'm happy for all of it, but somethings just not there like it used to be. Is it a physical something? Mental? Spritual? I have no idea. I'm just missing something that I had.

I haven't felt like this for a while. I'm just tired... that kind of tired where it feels like everything's been drained from your body and you just.... you just want it back...... I want me back. Where did I go?

I need a hug......

Sometimes

2006-10-24T23:14:00.000-04:00

Sometimes something happens. Something unexpected that floors you and turns your world upside down. You're not sure if you should tell someone, or keep it to yourself after it's been taken care of. Do they need to know, the others involved? No, mayeb not... and yes at the same time. It should be his problem to.

It's the something that can change your life. Did you want it? Not really.... but it's not something you can go back and change, no matter how much you wish you could. So the question now is, what happens next?

Sometimes, you just need a warm glass of tea and some drugs..... very stong drugs.

Yes, I have been drinking

2006-10-17T00:50:00.000-04:00

I don't care.

No, really... I don't.

Not caring is what I do, and I normally do it quite well. I've found that I can turn off my emotions if need be, covering myself in a cozy layer of apathy and indifference that keeps me safe. I've been doing it for years because, lets face it, one can only get hurt so much before they start to really just not care. I don't form new attachments easily. I keep the new people I met as arms length. If I do that, there's less of a chance I'll get close enough to care when they leave. Above all, I do NOT open up to people, not easily. I either have to have had a lot to drink, or trust you as if you were my other self, both of which I don't do often.

No, I haven't had a very hard life. Compared to other people I know, I've had a pretty good one.... but I always get too attached too fast, and that just leads to pain. I know it's a flaw, but everyone has their defense mechanisms, mine just happens to be cutting people off in a very efficient way.

Is it worth is? In the short term, is might be. I think that I'm keeping myself from getting hurt, so I see it as a positive. In the long term, no, all I'm doing it hurting myself by not getting to know people that I could have as friends or something more for years to come. Can I stop now that I see my problem? Let me put it this way.... remember when you were little, and you bit your nails and wouldn't stop, so your mom put mittens on your hands? Or, better yet, trying not to scratch while you had the chicken pox? Yeah, it's be like that. I've been doing it for so many years that it's become a part of what I do.

Now, normally, I just wouldn't think about what I do, going about my daily activities and keeping everyone just a little bit away. However, I met someone, and this someone had made me think... a lot. Don't ask me how it works, but it just does, and I see it as a good thing. I need to think, it keeps me going after new things and bringing them, unlike people, into my life.

The first step to dealing with a problem you have is confronting it and seeing that you really DO have a problem. Thanks to whatever the frilly dickens I'm drinking, and the wonderful person I've met, I think I got that first part down. All I have to do now is try and unlearn about 5 years of behavior, which will be fun......

Oh, and to the person I met.... stop being so bloody charming. *shakes a fist at you*

Yeah, it's October alright.....

2006-10-13T17:15:00.000-04:00

I hate the cold..... I hate it with a violent passion that, if I wasn't almost frozen, might make me all warm and tingly.... but it doesn't. Why? Oh, yeah... cause I'm cold.......

It might not be so bad if I hadn't worked the boat for the past few days and could just stay inside. I'll tell ya what though, work has been interesting.

Yesterday was the start of the cold. I got up and the temp hadn't even hit 30 yet. Ice on my car, the weatherman said it'd be windy and we'd have flurries too. Get to work, locktend and get the boat set up... I can't feel my toes...... go back to the hotel and get changed into my period clothing. Now, I love me job... but I felt like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Woman when I finally got dressed, and here's why.

I was wearing

figure skater tights
2 cotton petticoats
2 pairs of knee socks
leather shoes
a heavy cotton dress, long sleeved
cotton apron
wool shawl
wool coat
cotton bonnet
wool gloves

Yup, I was dressed up like a Thanksgiving turkey. Even with all that, I was still cold, because I swear it didn't get over 30/35 degrees with the wind chill, and I was working outside for 4 straight hours in winds up to 30 mph.

The first 2 boat runs we did ok, just having some minor problem with steering and the wind pushing the boat around. However, on the last run, the wind was pushing us around so badly, we did a short run instead of the full length one. Normally, it wouldn't have been a problem..... normally......

For those of you who have no idea what a canal boat is, allow me to sum it up for you. A canal boat is a flat bottomed boat that is about 80 feet long, ours is a little shorter at 60 feet. There are a few different kinds of canal boats, and we have what is called a State Boat, or a canal maintenance boat. Our boat looks kinda like this, just knock off the back cabin and stable, and add a catwalk between the cabins. The boat is pulled by two mules, who are attached to the boat with a very long and heavy rope, called a tow rope. Also, the boat is 12 tons empty, and moves at 4 mph. Ok? Moving on....

So, like I said, we turned the boat around early. We've done the early turn around before, each time it went just fine. This time, not so much. Between the wind pushing us, the odd angle of the boat, and the mules pulling us, the tow rope got stuck between a few loose boards in a retaining wall that had been put in too help keep the two path from eroding. When I say it got stuck, I'm not kidding... it was in there good.

As far as I know, getting stuck like that had never happened before. Since I was the senior staff member on the boat, I was standing up on the front cabin with the pike pole (10-ish foot wood pole with a metal tip on one end), talking to Jake (guy who owns/walks with our mules), and trying to get the rope undone. Molly (one of the awesome boat people ;) ) is on the outside bumper, trying to see if she cam climb onto the bank and get the rope undone.... Jake tries to pop it off by having the mules pull the way the rope was pulled in.... then the other way. Jake gets the rope loose enough to the point where I can grab it and we get it out, go to get on our merry little way, and it gets stuck again.

If we didn't have a boat full of school kids, I would have started cursing. Instead, Molly, Susan and I were explaining the situation and telling people it'd all be ok and we'd be out in a few. By this point, work had gotten out that the boat was stuck, so a small crowd was forming on the tow path as I was talking to Jake. We had the Mill curator, my boss lady, a ranger, a volunteer, a maintenance guy, and a few random people.

Now that we know how to get the rope loose, Jake goes to move the mules to pull it out, but the wind caught the boat and pushes it too far away from the tow path for me too get it out the rest of the way. I end up pushing the boat a little closer and almost getting it out (remember, the boat is 12 tons empty), but I'm still not close enough. Thankfully, Laird pulled the rope out and flipped it over the spot where it got stuck, so we could resume the boat run.

The best part? It started snowing as I was working with the pike pole. No gloves, no hat, , in a strong wind, and it's snowing.

I do have to say though, all of us working together did a great job of getting us out. Susan kept the school kids calm and entertained, Molly got us right back on with the steering once we were free, AND she was willing to try and jump off the boat if needed, and Jake..... we'll never find a better mule tender, cause he knows what he's doing and he does it well.

So, yeah. I hurt today from pushing and pulling the boat more then normal, and I'm still a bit cold from working today, which wasn't as bad as yesterday but it was still hella cold and windy.

I'm just relaxing now... got a blanket over my lap and I'm drinking a little wine.. got some candles burning in my room, giving it a nice cinnamon smell as I wait for someone to call *wink wink*.... yeah, I'll be warm in no time.

I still love my job.

Every now and then...

2006-10-08T23:09:00.000-04:00

... there are moments. When these moments happen, all you can do is just let go and wait, wait while the world slows to a beautiful crawl and you're taken away for a little bit. These moments are beautiful, often one of a kind... something that you'll remember for a long time, no matter how small or simple they may seem.

Floodlights in yards flowing through split-rail fences, cutting errie paths on the slowly rolling fog. It's like something out a on old movie, but so much more serene without the music in the background. There's a full moon as well, casting a delightfully pearly glow over all it touches. One of the loveliest things I've seen.

I love full moons, and this one was no exception. It's light danced over the tops of the trees, twinkling off the drops of the early night dew and making all the leaves look like jewels of the most precious kind as the moon trudges slowly along on it's evening walk across the heavens.

There is one thing that comes to mind in this moment, one thing about all others that I wish to do. Take a blanket out to the middle of a field and lay it down as the fog rolls in, and lay on it, staring up at the sky and it's wonders. Watching that effulgent sphere that is the moon, and it's sidekicks the stars as they spin slowly above my head like a chills mobile.

It's just quiet..... no TV, no radio..... all you hear are crickets, the soft hum of traffic in the background.... the smell of burning leaves brings back childhood memories of jumping in piles of leaves, trick or treating with my brothers and parents, sitting on bales of hay as my mom worked in her garden and I made dolls out of grass..... muddy pants and early nights.

The same dew that graces the trees graces me, and brings an end to my perfect little moment. Folding up my blanket I stand and turn my face to the moon, taking in it's cool presence once more before heading back indoors.

There was a moment tonight, one I'll remember for ages. when was the last time you had yours?

24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

2006-09-23T17:48:00.000-04:00

No.... why don't YOU touch it.....

2006-09-13T18:38:00.000-04:00

The above picture is from Country living Days at the Blue Creek Conservation Area. I'm the one in the pink, my co-worker Shannon is in the green, and Chester the donkey is the one getting all the attention. ;)

So, anyway.... I talked with this guy from Nebraska last night. DUDE, what is UP with the guys in Nebraska?????

Must be something in the water........

*rolls her eyes and chuckles*

Fluid state of mind

2006-08-30T21:16:00.000-04:00

I possess a fluid state of mind, much like a lake on a warm summer day. Swirling colors and thoughts intermingle making pools of thought and ideas all through my brain. Prod the pool and it shimmers, look deep inside and see the things that make me...... me.

Soooooooo, once more, I've been thinking a lot. There's been a lot of changes going on around me and it kinda made me sit down and look at what I'm doing with my life and where I'd like to be in, say, five years.

I want to be back in school. Don't get me wrong, I love working for the parks.... in the Manor and on the Boat, but I need more then just my Associates Degree. I'd love to have my Masters in Psych, maybe even a Ph.D..... but that's gonna take a wile and I need to get moving. I really do love psychology, I'm glad I chose it as my major, but I want to start with my career.... and with the helping of people that I could do with that career.

I want a house. Not now, but someday. I want a place I can make my own, decorate as I like... maybe even make one wall into a painting of Piet Mondrian's Lozenge in Black, Gray, and White. Park my car in the garage and walk out on a porch with a big wooden swing on it. I'd like an herb garden out in the backyard... fresh herbs for cooking. Maybe a few cats......

No, I don't plan on being the crazy cat lady........

Above all, I finally decided I want a relationship. My history with relationship of the committed kind has been.... checkered.... at best. Guys don't tend to stick around for long with me, but that's because I kinda have a very bad radar when it comes to guys. I don't like being alone, it's not the best feeling in the world.... sometimes you just need someone who'll be there and not care if you look like crap and will listen when you're had a bad day.

I'm not ready for marriage, and VERY not ready for kids.... but still, I'd like a relationship that will last for over eight months.... I'd like to break the close to two year dry spell I've had with dating. That's right, two years almost without a single date. Odd really..... but, what can ya do. At least now I know I want it, and I'm sure I'll find it at some point.

I've started my yoga again, only I'm doing more with the meditation. I'm sleeping a lot better and I feel very Zen about things.... I didn't think I missed it all as much as I did, it's a great way to destress.

So, finally, an update.

Oh, btw... good luck Ruth on the move to Cali. I know you'll have a blast ;)

Send POSTCARDS!!!!!!!!

Maggie.....

2006-08-25T01:41:00.000-04:00

Is never allowed to pick the movie..... ever again.

EVIL LAVA BABIES OF DOOM!

Here's hoping I pass out soon.... 'cause I ain't falling asleep willingly....

Some entertainment for you.,...

2006-08-10T00:57:00.000-04:00

Sooooooooo... I was trying to look up some god 1870's slang for work and, well... I found some.... interesting, things....

THEY SAID: Something was done..."like Grant took Richmond"

WE SAY: Something was done very quickly

THEY SAID: Ugly'er than the south end of a north bound mule.

WE SAY: UGLY!

THEY SAID: Nice bumperkit

WE SAY: Nice butt

THEY SAID: Hotter than a June bride in a featherbed...

WE SAY: I'm pretty overheated...

And, my favorite.......

THEY SAID: He's so horny,that the crack of dawn isn't safe. (N.W. PA.)

WE SAY: Watch out! He's quite amorous.

Hope it was as good for you as it was for me ;)

A Monday off...

2006-08-07T00:04:00.000-04:00

Last week I had a day off. I decided to go visit my parents, run some errands... joyride a bit... the normal Monday stuff. One of the first things I did was stop at Randy's Farm Market. This place has been in the same spot since my mom was a kid, she worked there as a teen. It's family owned and they grow a lot of the stuff they sell there.

I parked my car on the gravel and blacktop, not even bothering to lock it when I got out. The market is a small wooden building, painted red and white, with a small storage area off to the left for hay and pumpkins, when they're in season. The front of the stand is open, the doors pulled up like a garage one might be. Concert floor, wooden tables for produce.... the kind of thing you see on the country roads in the middle of nowhere, which this almost is.

My toes curled in the best way as I walked in, the warm afternoon sun bringing out the smell of the fruit up front as a few tiny stones got stuck in my sandals. Fresh Red Haven peaches, yellow and red plums, cantaloupe and watermelon... there's even a pile of sweet corn sitting off to the right, still in the husks and just begging to be taken home and eaten. I made a b-line right for the peaches after a shake out my sandals. Nothing is better then a warm, perfectly ripe Red Haven. They smell so good... all of it does.... it took me back to when I was clinging to my mothers knees and helping her pick out fruit for the house.

It's that nostalgia I thought of as a stood there, doing what I had seen my mom do for so many years. Grab a bag, pick up the fruit, smell it and look for bruises... branch scars are ok, but no holes, place it in the bag and repeat with the next fruit. Pretty soon I had three bags. Early Bartlett pears, Red Haven's, and nectarines. I almost hated putting them in the bags, it seemed like they should have room to breathe, to show off their colors.... I picked up a half a cantaloupe on the way to the checkout, just for good measure... that and it was 99 cents for a good sized half a cantaloupe....

I took the bags back to my car, set them on the floor of the back seat and put on my sunglasses, causing a small cloud of dust to kick up behind my car as I headed back to the real world. A few minutes into the drive, my car smelled like the Market, carrying that with me all the way home and into my apartment when I was done running around for the day. I let it all sit out for a bit, basking in the colors and the small of my fresh fruit.... they did not disappoint either, when it came time for snacking, each piece was just ripe enough to make me with I was walking barefoot through the grass.

Some things we can't forget. Whenever I small a peach, I think of the Market, and that makes me think of home... sitting in the backyard and watching my mom garden. I can't help it, I was kinda raised in the 'country' of southeast MI. I eat green beans, berries, and peas right out of the garden without even washing them. I love to walk barefoot, I do it whenever I can, and the stars are something everyone should lay down and look at before they die.

Things don't always have to be as hard as life makes them..... go eat a peach and play in the dirt a little ;)

What If?

2006-07-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

What if
We could dance on air
Twisting cartwheels in currents unseen
Whips of nothing at our fingers
Angels music in our heads.....

What if
We'd dance a dream of flying things
Till the stars turn blue
Clouds about our knees
Swirling without a care

What if
There was only time
Just the thought of you and I
A touch, a kiss
I'd dance on air all over again

Interesting.....

2006-07-03T16:10:00.000-04:00

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Never Coming Home

2006-07-02T22:50:00.000-04:00

Wooden bones
Laid bare by careful hands
Stripped of lath and plaster
Naked for the world

Protective skin
Paneling of oak and birch
Lays cracked and broken
Outside an open door

Pathway to the heart
Carpet torn and dirtied
Not just by tiny hands
An effort to make it stronger

Make it newer
Paint it over
Change the face
But keep the soul

Skin of drywall
Covers the same bones
Wooden supports of love
A frame of home

Foggy nights

2006-06-22T23:57:00.000-04:00

I'd had a long day. Work at the boat, where it was hot, then rainy, followed by work at the Manor House. I got off at the house around 9pm... tired and ready for bed almost, really not wanting to drive home. With all the rain we've been having here, the park was flooded a bit, since it is in the middle-ish of the Great Black Swamp.

I step outside of the House and the air is thick, just totally saturated. It's humid and the sun's just setting, everything is still, no breeze at all. Fog is rolling in across the front lawn and parking lots, so I just have to go for a short walk. There's this path behind the House, a staircase that leads down by the Ottawa River. Low ground and wetlands, perfect for a short stop.

I stand there for a bit, watching the fog roll in over the water. It's looks like someone's carefully laying down light and fluffy batting across the woods and river. The birds are mostly asleep, so the only sounds are a few crickets and a mild trickling of cool fluid over well smoothed stones. Little wisps of fog started to curl around me as I stood there, reaching ever higher till they're over my head. Thick fog, not to the point that you couldn't see, but just enough to block out distractions.

It's like another world there, standing in the fog. It's calm... almost like you're all alone in the middle of nowhere. Comforting. It got darker and the fireflies started to come out, dancing airily through the tendrils of fog. Some things you see are just beyond words, and this one came close.

I hated to leave, but the bugs were biting and it was getting pretty dark. I walked back to my car and started the drive home, music on and the window rolled down. It was a long day, no doubt about it, but I think the end made it all worth it.