It will be better this time around

I quit one of my jobs today. Not like a "I'm outta here and you'll never see me again" but I handed in my two weeks notice. It's not something that I had planned on doing. Well, at least not for more then 24 hours. I mean, I've worked for the company for almost two years at this point, and I hate to put that much effort into anything and see it go down the drain. What really got things going was my evaluation on Tuesday night. Now, I don't mind having an evaluation, it's sometimes good to go over things and find out what you could be doing better. However, what I learned from my managers was a harsh lession in bias. Here are some of the things that I can remember being said about me in the eval.

• Pushes the envelope, needs to learn how to take orders
• Shouldn't favor servers by giving them better section and tables
• Doesn't smile enough
• Can be defensive when pushed
• Comes in early to often
• Not available enough days

It'd put more, but they wouldn't let me have copies of the forms used and comments therein. I'm pretty sure at this point that that's unethical, but don't quote me on it. Let me start by saying the I never pushed said "envelope" at any time. I don't even know what they were talking about because it wasn't explained very well. Next, I am not the one who makes out the floor plan, the managers do that. I am not in charge of what servers get what sections, therefore I can not be help responsible for some servers getting the better sections all the time. If there is any favoring going on, it is on the part of the dining room managers who like some servers more then others. Ok, the smiling thing. Being a host means that I have to smile for pretty much all of my shift. I'm sorry if sometimes I don't smile when I talk on the phone, or when I walk people to their tables, sometimes my facial muscles get sore from being phony all the time. Servers ar erequired to smile all the time as well, but I know for a fact that one of the surlyist guys there (who just so happens to be dating one of the floor managers) didn't get called for this, while the perkiest server did. Yes, I will admit that I can be defensive when pushed, but it is only because I don't like my managers yelling at me when I did something and having then not understand why I did it. Also, I'm really sorry that I come in 5 min early each day, I like having time to get myself sorted out before my shift starts and I have to deal with all sorts of people and problems. It's not like I punch in early or anything......... And I talked to my general manager about cutting back on the days I worked until October because of all the work I'm doing for the metroparks. Her exact words were "No problem, just let me know when you can go back to your normal hours". Everything that was said in the eval blew me away.

I came home after this and thought about everything for a long time. I started out with this company at a different restaurant. It was my first job in a place that served food, so it was a bit rocky getting started. After I worked there for about 6 months, I loved the place. For a long period of time, I was the only host there, so I come in a lot to work. Even when we got more hosts, I still came in more then I needed to so I could help train the new girls. I had such a sense of loyalty to that job. I came in on holidays, my birthday, days when I could have gone and hung out with people, when I was sick....... I even went in with dislocated ribs (no, I am not bloody well making that up. I really did). I was broken hearted when they closed that restaurant and I got moved to the new one. However, my loyalty never wavered. In my whole time with the company I never once called in sick, showed up late once because the schedule was wrong (and I even called to find out if it was the wrong time, but no one was there), and rarely requested off.

When I was thinking about the stuff said in the evaluation, I noticed something. Everything that was said in the eval focused on the negative, nothing good was said about the things that I did. Thinking back, rarely anything positive was said to me at all while working there. That was something that I had at the first place, but never the second. I'm not saying that I need constant validation in the workplace, but I don't like to be brought down constant negativity. A balance of both is needed. Positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement help people learn what to do and what not to do when common sense fails. Sometimes. Bring into the mix the fact that I've work there for almost two years and have never gotten a raise, even after I was promised one. I know that they are not required to give me perks, benefits, raises, ect.... but I was told that I would be getting one on my one year anniversary. Getting less then 10 house a week and earning $7.50 an hour makes me thing I should have quit a long time ago.

I also realized that I had become stagnant at my job. I was not learning or growing in anyway. If anything, I was being brought down by the constant stress wearing away at me, and from giving so much energy to a place that gave me close to nothing in return. It was the same thing that happened when I worked as a bagger. I became comfortable in my job and was doing it well, but I was not gaining anything from it and had no chance for advancement. I don't want that to happen again. I hate not being able to grow as a person when a job starts to suck the life out of me. I am always afraid when that happens because I don't want to become less then what I am now, or even to stop learning.

So, yeah. Another life experience in the file, another attempt to find my nich gone. I gave it what I though was my all and it didn't meet muster. I failed because I didn't try hard enough, or I tried to hard and got nothing for my pains. It wasn't me that worked there, it was someone who was holding on to the idea of that restaurant that closed 9 months ago, hoping that it might come back. I don't think I'll even find a job like that first one again, but I am glad I got to have it just that once.

I'm not sorry I quit, it needed to be done at some point.