In like a lion?

So it's March.

I've decided I hate March....

It's still wintry outside, which means cold and snow. 'Spring ' break is also over today, which was a total jip in the long run since we got a late season snow storm... bah I say!

March is also the time I got the first hint last year that it was over.

Yup, here I sit at a little before 2am doing things I know will only make me sleep badly. Why? Because letting me on Facebook when I'm bored is a bad idea... Too many applications to add and friends to look for.

I have a friend leaving for boot camp this week and I tried looking for him on Facebook so we had another way to keep in touch. Nothing on him, so I looked up a few more friends in case I got any hits. Because my minds like me to suffer, I went and looked up an old flame. Didn't find any entries and went to look for someone I know he knew.

Now, this could just be my mind running away with me, but what I found still caused a painful heart twinge.

I got a matching result on the last name I put in, but the pic wasn't of who I thought it would be. It was a baby, looked only a month or two old. Knowing what I know about the owner of that profile and coupled with some other info I had before this random and stupid idea, it means my old flame was having sex with said owner of the profile around 2 - 3 months after he broke things off with me.

This man, the one I think of as the love of my life, who told me he was mine and would never let me go even if it meant we were only friends. This man who I would have gladly married if he had asked. This man who I'm still in love with even though I've tried to convince myself that I'm not, and who swore up and down that he loved me... obviously didn't.

If someone can turn around and do that after they say such pretty things, if they can cut off all communication and act as if you mean nothing to them, if they can discard you as easily as one would a plastic cup, then what did they really mean anyway? Nothing... nothing at all.

Like I said... this could all just be in my head, but given what I know it's highly unlikely.

Want to know why I don't trust people? Want to know why I don't let myself fall in love with anyone else? I'd say that right there is a shining example of why I'm wise not to do such a thing.

Bah. Just bah.

Edit: Why yes, this DOES seem vaguely creepy and stalkerish in retrospect. In order to prevent you all from thinking I'm insane and/or obsessed, let me assure you that that was the first, and last time I ever go looking for someone who knows someone I know of Facebook. I don't need that kinda of trauma in my life.