Foggy mornings

Lab Boy made a post last night about love and hate. This may not seem like a big deal to anyone, but it made me think. I have a good idea of what I hate (close-mindedness, suffering, being cold, hangovers, etc...) but what do I really love? Family, it goes without saying (also on the hate list sometimes), friends, a really good book, conversation, sleep, and cake. But what makes me get up in the morning? What keeps me going on those days that seem like a Hell on Earth that will never end?

I thought about it as I was going to bed, and again when I got up to go to work. I was at the boat today, had to be there at 8:30 am. It was foggy on the drive down, and was still so after I got changed into my period (1876) dress and went down to the dock. I pass under the modern bridge to get to the boat and I see something that makes my heart stop.

The boat is sitting there, tied to the dock, underneath the old iron bridge. The canal water is smooth as glass, the only ripples are caused by the first dropping leafs of fall. The fog is swirling around everything, giving it a ghostly feel as the sun breaks over the trees. There are no cars around, no power lines, no noise of any kind for this one moment. It was like something out of a dream. It was so beautiful and serene that it made my mind stop for just a little bit as I watched it unfold. Then I had my answer.

I love the moments that make you stop in your tracks. The things that you see that makes your soul hurt because they are so beautiful that you almost can't stand it. Those precious seconds are what make me wake up every morning, and help to keep me going. I once wanted to be a photographer so I could share these moments with others, hoping they would see what I saw. Someone else might not get what I did, might not feel what I do for these things, because they might see it as just a photo. This is more then that, more then a mere image. It is something deep inside of me that is mine alone. You can all look at it, but it is not your love, it is not the passion that keeps you going.

I love the things that are so absurd they make you laugh harder then you thought you ever could. I love looking at the stars on a clear night and feeling small compared to what we don't yet know. I love reading a book on a rainy day, or dancing outside in the rain. In short, I love to feel. I live for it. The range of emotions that we poses makes us what we are. I need to feel to be a whole person, to be me.

I think that's enough for today. I almost can't wait to get up tomorrow now. Almost. Sleep was also on the "love" list.