It will be better this time around

I quit one of my jobs today. Not like a "I'm outta here and you'll never see me again" but I handed in my two weeks notice. It's not something that I had planned on doing. Well, at least not for more then 24 hours. I mean, I've worked for the company for almost two years at this point, and I hate to put that much effort into anything and see it go down the drain. What really got things going was my evaluation on Tuesday night. Now, I don't mind having an evaluation, it's sometimes good to go over things and find out what you could be doing better. However, what I learned from my managers was a harsh lession in bias. Here are some of the things that I can remember being said about me in the eval.

• Pushes the envelope, needs to learn how to take orders
• Shouldn't favor servers by giving them better section and tables
• Doesn't smile enough
• Can be defensive when pushed
• Comes in early to often
• Not available enough days

It'd put more, but they wouldn't let me have copies of the forms used and comments therein. I'm pretty sure at this point that that's unethical, but don't quote me on it. Let me start by saying the I never pushed said "envelope" at any time. I don't even know what they were talking about because it wasn't explained very well. Next, I am not the one who makes out the floor plan, the managers do that. I am not in charge of what servers get what sections, therefore I can not be help responsible for some servers getting the better sections all the time. If there is any favoring going on, it is on the part of the dining room managers who like some servers more then others. Ok, the smiling thing. Being a host means that I have to smile for pretty much all of my shift. I'm sorry if sometimes I don't smile when I talk on the phone, or when I walk people to their tables, sometimes my facial muscles get sore from being phony all the time. Servers ar erequired to smile all the time as well, but I know for a fact that one of the surlyist guys there (who just so happens to be dating one of the floor managers) didn't get called for this, while the perkiest server did. Yes, I will admit that I can be defensive when pushed, but it is only because I don't like my managers yelling at me when I did something and having then not understand why I did it. Also, I'm really sorry that I come in 5 min early each day, I like having time to get myself sorted out before my shift starts and I have to deal with all sorts of people and problems. It's not like I punch in early or anything......... And I talked to my general manager about cutting back on the days I worked until October because of all the work I'm doing for the metroparks. Her exact words were "No problem, just let me know when you can go back to your normal hours". Everything that was said in the eval blew me away.

I came home after this and thought about everything for a long time. I started out with this company at a different restaurant. It was my first job in a place that served food, so it was a bit rocky getting started. After I worked there for about 6 months, I loved the place. For a long period of time, I was the only host there, so I come in a lot to work. Even when we got more hosts, I still came in more then I needed to so I could help train the new girls. I had such a sense of loyalty to that job. I came in on holidays, my birthday, days when I could have gone and hung out with people, when I was sick....... I even went in with dislocated ribs (no, I am not bloody well making that up. I really did). I was broken hearted when they closed that restaurant and I got moved to the new one. However, my loyalty never wavered. In my whole time with the company I never once called in sick, showed up late once because the schedule was wrong (and I even called to find out if it was the wrong time, but no one was there), and rarely requested off.

When I was thinking about the stuff said in the evaluation, I noticed something. Everything that was said in the eval focused on the negative, nothing good was said about the things that I did. Thinking back, rarely anything positive was said to me at all while working there. That was something that I had at the first place, but never the second. I'm not saying that I need constant validation in the workplace, but I don't like to be brought down constant negativity. A balance of both is needed. Positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement help people learn what to do and what not to do when common sense fails. Sometimes. Bring into the mix the fact that I've work there for almost two years and have never gotten a raise, even after I was promised one. I know that they are not required to give me perks, benefits, raises, ect.... but I was told that I would be getting one on my one year anniversary. Getting less then 10 house a week and earning $7.50 an hour makes me thing I should have quit a long time ago.

I also realized that I had become stagnant at my job. I was not learning or growing in anyway. If anything, I was being brought down by the constant stress wearing away at me, and from giving so much energy to a place that gave me close to nothing in return. It was the same thing that happened when I worked as a bagger. I became comfortable in my job and was doing it well, but I was not gaining anything from it and had no chance for advancement. I don't want that to happen again. I hate not being able to grow as a person when a job starts to suck the life out of me. I am always afraid when that happens because I don't want to become less then what I am now, or even to stop learning.

So, yeah. Another life experience in the file, another attempt to find my nich gone. I gave it what I though was my all and it didn't meet muster. I failed because I didn't try hard enough, or I tried to hard and got nothing for my pains. It wasn't me that worked there, it was someone who was holding on to the idea of that restaurant that closed 9 months ago, hoping that it might come back. I don't think I'll even find a job like that first one again, but I am glad I got to have it just that once.

I'm not sorry I quit, it needed to be done at some point.

Well THAT was a fun weekend.

What's red, white, and sore all over? ME! Well, just my sholders n' stuff, but it still hurts a lot. I went up to Jakson MI today for the big Civil War Days they have up there. Ran into more people there then I thought I would, and I had a blast. My new boss from the boat was there, so we talked "shop" for a bit before the battle, and some other people I knew from the park were there. I ran into the boyos who were at Wildwood this year, we hung out for a bit as well after the battle. I miss those guys..... Anyway, the end result is that I had a great time with my one day off in about two weeks, but I got the bejeezus sunburnt out of me. Aloe is my bestest friend ever!

I somehow got myself roped into going and actually reinacting at the Scott's Mill event in September. One of the guys told me that they could find me a couple of outfits to wear for the weekend, and then they made me promise to come. *sigh* I guess I'll just HAVE to go and have tons o' fun. I guess should have known that this is what I would be doing with my life, I just didn't think that I would be doing so much with so many different people who ROCK! Hehehe....... yeah, I had a good weekend.

I got my comp on Saturday night. This thing is so awesome I can't even put it in words. I will say one thing though, MY MOUSE CAN RIGHT CLICK!!!! Yes, it is a Mac mouse, and it can so right click. Has Hell cooled by a few degrees? Methinks it has.....

Ok, time for more aloe. Sorry about the short post.

One more thing, spammers will have their asses kicked and comments deleted. I know I said I would never delete any comments from my site, no matter how stupid or annoying they may be. Spammers, however, have no place on this site and their "comments" will be deleted as soon as I can get to them.

Night all.

I'm not ready for Fall yet!!!!!!!

I noticed the leafs in my backyard changing color today. Summer this year was way to short. I didn't do half of the things I wanted too, but I did do some cool stuff I hadn't planed on doing, so I guess it all worked out. I'm taking the next semester off from school so I can save up some, so I'll have more free time then normal after October. Why after October you ask? Well, it's because of my new job.

In addition to working at Ciao! and the Manor House, I now work down at Providence Metropark on the Canal Boat. This job is kicking my ass, but it is awesome! On a typical weekday, I get there at 10am (takes me about an hour to get there), we open the boat and the canal locks, get changed (we have to wear period dress, 1876), start running tours at 11, end tours at 5, close the boat and locks, and leave at 5:30. From 11 to 5 we are outside in whatever weather there is, be it Sunny and 90 or rainy and 60. Needless to say, I am getting quite the canal boat tan. Working on the boat is also a really great work-out. All day I'm jumping on and off of the boat and canal locks, hauling ropes around, and steering the boat (which is done with the legs). The first time I had steering, I did it for all five runs we had that day, and I was really really sore the next day. But, like I said, it's an awesome job and I'm having a blast with it.

OH, and I ordered a new computer today! Within a week, I shall have my very own G3 iMac! I'm so excited!!!!!!!!! It's all cute and totally AWESOME! Hehehe.......

Not much other then that going on right now. Looking forward to going to a Ren. Fair with Maggie and assorted guys this year. Perhaps I can get one of them to wear a kilt........

In Memoriam

Mark Alan Kerchman Jr.
September 18, 1983 - August 14, 2004

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

At long last......

Ok, check out the sweetness of this.

Thats right, it's me. Looking all cute in the out-of-doors, and rocking my ever so intense pale.

Awesome.

There's a big differance between being mostly dead, and all dead.

Which brings about the question "What ya got that's worth living for"? 10 points to anyone who can figure out what movie I'm watching right now. I'll give you a clue, it's one of the best movies ever.

I can now say, without a doubt, that this has been the longest stretch that I have gone without posting. Something that I will now rectify and make you wish I hadn't. A lot has been going on lately. I got another job working at the metroparks, but it's not at Wildwood. I'm going to be working down at Providence Metropark as a Historical Interpreter on the Canal Boat Experience. I will have to be in period dress when I'm working there, and yes, that does mean I will be wearing an actual dress. What I'll be doing is telling people what the canal locks were used for, and talking about things that happened at period in time. I think I have to come up with a good first person impression, but that won't be too hard. My new boss suggested that I go down there to work after I gave him and his wife a tour of the Manor House. It was said that I have a lovely speaking voice, which I found odd because I tend to be scared out of my mind when doing any kind of public speaking. I like the fact that this just kind of fell into my lap. Granted, it will take me about 45 minuets to get down there, but it's with an organization I've been with for over two years, and it pays a pretty good wage. It should be fun.

Ciao had been going pretty well. The other host that I've been butting heads with is quitting at the end of the week (wohoo!), and we just got done training a new host to take her place. The new girl is really nice and is a fast learner to boot. Other then that, not much going on there. Go to work, seat a bunch of people, go home.

Maggie and I went to the mall the other day. While we where there, I came to the conclusion that I need more girl clothes. Yes, I do buy clothes made for girls, but they are either too dressy for everyday wear (because of work), or too tomboyish too wear out. So I got a skirt, a almost kimono type shirt, and an awesome black corset (which is the friggin bomb!). I went to the mall again today and got a couple shirts, a pair of jeans, and a cute little tank top. I wouldn't have gotten the jeans because they are low rise, but they looked so good that I couldn't not get them. I think I've gotten to the point in my life where I can't go slumping around in jeans and a t-shirt all the time. Not that I don't love to do that, but I need to update my wardrobe a bit and make it a little more adult.

A couple notes on my last post. Yes, the 'doe-si-doe' part is a bit Americanized, but that just might be because I live in America and tend to pick up on the influences around me. I put it there as a rhyming place holder until I could come up with something better. I don't even like country music, but it went and I'll keep it there for a bit.

As a parting thought, let me leave you with this.......

SPORK!!!!!!