Once Upon A Time

I was asked today by some one at work if I thought being home schooled did me more good then being public schooled would have. Out of habit I said yes, because I always thought it did. The rest of the day was spent trying to figure out what my home education did that public ed wouldn't have done.

Everything I thought of led back to my mother. She was always a driving force behind me,. no matter what it was I wanted to do. She taught me that above all, everything you do is a learning experience. That helped me a lot through high school, college, and just life in general.

This led me to another question... do I regret anything? Everyone says they have regrets, things they wish they could have done or explored, 'what ifs' if you will. I though on that idea for hours and I finally came up with an answer.

No.

I don't regret anything. The things I have done in my still short life have made me who I am, and I like who I am. My education, my work experience, my relationships. I'll always wonder what would have happened if I did something different, but I don't regret not doing the things I've done.

However, looking back at thing I noticed something odd. I tend to give up what I want and/or need so other people are happy. It's not that I don't want to fight for these things, but I'd rather see someone else with a smile on their face then fight them.

I know I'm not a Saint, I'm far from it... but I've done a lot of things that would surprise people. Just recently I gave up something I wanted more then anything else, and I gave it up because it was needed elsewhere. Of course it hurts, it always does.. I just content myself with the thought that someone else is smiling in my place, and that almost makes it worthwhile.

My question now is: When is it my turn? When do I get to be happy? When will I have something all to myself that I won't have to give up?

Karma owes me big time for this.

Now, if you'll pardon me.... the Baileys is calling again.

Flying... in more ways then one

I just had one of the most wonderful mini-vacations in... well, about a
month. It involved me flying out to the farthest west I've ever been
and spending almost 3 full days with the amazing guy I've been seeing.
Now this guy... he lives in a different time zone and I miss him a lot,
so the few times I get to see him are really the highlights ofbasically
everything right now. I count the days till I can see him again, then
lose all track of time when I'm with him. It's really never something I
thought I'd get to have, but I do have it... and I couldn't be happier.

Parting with him is always hard, but I discovered something on the flight home
that made the leaving a bit easier. The flight I took wasn't direct, so
not only did I have a lay-over in OHare on the way out there, but on the way back I had to go to Denver before heading back to Detroit.

Now, I have flown before... and those flights (to and from Europe, the flight out to my guy on Sat.) were all at night. I had a window seat heading out to Denver, and the things I saw were some of the most beautiful I have ever laid eyes on.

I love Earth Science, and the landscape out west is full of interesting geographical features. I saw miles and miles of fields that resembled patchwork quilts... rivers
so old they had huge flood plains and oxbow lakes that had once been
part of the river before it twisted so much it cut itself off... lakes
and trees and the morning mists slowly burning off of fields in the
sunlight. But above everything else, I sawmountains.

Coming into to Denver I hadn't really thought about them being there, mostly because mountains don't exist in Toledo. Hell, we're lucky if we get hills around here. The last time I actually saw mountains is when my mom graduated midwifery school and we all drove down for her graduation... I think I was 9 or 10... I can't quite remember.

Until lately I have done much traveling, which is odd considering that I wanted to take a solo road trip around the U.S. when I graduated high school so I cold take photos. I'd become almost annoyingly settled here in my little apartment, waiting on life to run it's course and I'd just go with it. I figured I'd travel later
since I never seemed to have the time or the companions to do so now. I know now that while I can still do that when I'm older, I have no reasons for not traveling now.

You see, I saw those mountains and a huge sense of longing washed over me. They were beautiful, just standing there in their gray and snow capped solitude. I miss that... the excitement of seeing something new and the longing I have when I see something so
wonder I feel as if I might cry. Yes, I know some of this may just seem
silly to people, but Itruly love the natural wonders this wold has to offer.

I'd love to get a rail pass and just ride around the U.S. Amtrak
has a station downtown here and rail passes aren't that expensive, plus
it'd keep me from driving for hours on end... I can't stand doing that
alone. I want to see themountains again. I want to see Yellowstone and Mt. Saint Helens. I want to see the Redwoods, visit the nations capital, and see every ocean I can. I want to go back to Europe and see the museums, the ruins, the countryside, and everything I missed the first time. I want it all.

It will be a while before I get it, I know that much at least. Right now I
do need to focus on school again and work, but I don't plan on waiting
till I retire to do all the things I want. I can't settle for a life
here, always sticking to my routine and not exploring. I don't want to
settle for anything less then I deserve, anything less then the love I
have now.

Yes, I am in love with him, and he with me. He treats me the way I always should have been but no one before did. I have no idea where this thing where us is headed, but I do know where I'd like it to go. The situation iscomplected, so I'll just be patient and think of my mountains till I can see him again. Maybe if I'm lucky we'll see them together...

Toledo

You are 100% Toledo.

You are a 419 pimp. You can eat a Paco's dog with Farr, or get wasted with Katie at the bars. You dont really care what a mud hen is your still going to the games.


How Toledo are you?
Make Your Own Quiz

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North   You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Well, that's what I get for living here ;)

Love and Hate

As human beings we tend to be ruled by our emotions. Our ability to feel and understand most of these emotions separate us from the other lifeforms on this planet. However, emotions are not easy things to deal with, more often then not they can leave us confused and disoriented to a certain degree. Many people say that the two most powerful emotions are love and hate. These two emotions, while both extremes, are really quite closely related.

Emotions are generally broken down on a line reaching from Love, at point A, to Hate, all the way at the other end which is Point B. In between are the good emotions, in the middle of which sits Apathy. On the Love side of things you have the 'good' emotions: Joy, Happiness, Caring, Empathy, etc etc... leading to apathy in the middle, and then progressing to the Hate side of things, the 'bad' emotions: Anger, Indifference, Jealousy, Sadness, etc etc...

Now, what if we looked at these emotions as if they were not on a straight line, but rather a circle. Take that line at Apathy in the middle and bend it so that Love and Hate connect at the top. Why do a circle and not the line? Because emotions are not flat, they don't lead us in a perfect line from one thing to the next. Love and Hate and the two most involved emotions, the ones that cause us the most hurt, or happiness depending on the situation.

Love is said to be bliss. Happiness, joy, and everything wonderful all rolled up into one simple little word. One can't live without it, or if they do they'll have a sad life not knowing what it was. True love is the rarest thing anyone can find, and it should be treasured like the precious jewel it is.

Hate is the opposite. Called the most vile of emotions it can be violent and possessive, it can lead normal people to do things they never thought they could do. Hate lingers, it festers. Given time Hate can make the sweetest person into a rage filled devil, unrecognizable even to their closest friends and family.

Love gone bad can turn to Hate faster then the drop of a hat. Those two emotions, those extremes at either end of the line are more closely related then most believe. Both are primal instincts: Love is caused in part by the human need to reproduce, to find someone to live with who we can depend on for support, Hate is caused in part by the need to protect what is our from others. All other emotions come from these two, these sisters at the ends of a line, together at the top of the circle because they are almost one in the same.

Apathy is the lack of emotion, the lack of caring. It is at the bottom of the circle because without it, we are no more then animals with large highly functioning brains.






A little something for you to chew on.... I'm going to bed.